Dunk n’ Drunk: Chapter 1

Sometimes taking a tumble isn’t a bad thing.

I take no credit for the amazing title.  That was all J2.  😛

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Hawkeye58:  Tony, guess what.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  I have no idea.  What?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  I totally just fell into a vat of liquid and my phone still works!

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  ……uh……what kind of liquid?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  The WET kind.  Hahaha.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Clint, I swear to God…

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  Hahaha.  You love me.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Clint Goddammit what did you fall in

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  Don’t know exactly.  Some kind of beer or spirits of some sort.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  ………..so you’re in a vat of alcohol?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  Well I WAS……I’m out now.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  You ass.  Haha where are you?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  Well, I’m in a disti…..distilarry…..distillery?  one of those.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  And you’re covered in alcohol.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  Yup.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  …….I cannot express how much I wanna throw you down and lick your naked body up and down.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  And I cannot express how good that sounds.  Can we do that?  Let’s do that.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Haha yea.  I’m more than okay with that.  On my way to find you now.  You done working?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  Don’t know.  Lost contact.  Let me tell you, SHIELD technology?  Not as hardy as your stuff.  But I’m done.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  That’s cuz my stuff is awesome.    You okay, though?  I mean, not being in contact?  What’re you doing out there, anyway?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  Was supposed to be easy job, s’why I took it. And it was close to home.  Heard rumors, had to confirm. Rumors’re easy. Just go in, watch the guy, see if they’re true. So I do. An I’m up on the catwalks, and suddenly, damn thing just gives out, shoddy architecture, I tell you what. Anyway, fell into the stuff, com shorted out, bastard stung, I tell you what. But it made a lotta noise. So now I’m laying low.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Wait.  What stung?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  The com.  When it shorted, think it burnt my ear.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Wait what?  No.  Go get that looked at.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:      wha?  no, it’s fine.  I’m fine, only stung a second, sides.  I’m laying low. Don’ want them to find me if they heard.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Clint.  I’m serious.  The ear isn’t a good place to have a burn.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:   Tony.  I’m fine.    …….sides if I stand up I’ll just fall over.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Clint…..wait, what?  Why would you fall over?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:      um. well. See, when the catwalk fell, it kinda fell right INTO the vat. And I may have panicked. a little and I kinda. inhaled some of the stuff. And swallowed a lot more an’. And then I ran and now I’m in a dark room.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  ……….are you drunk?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  ………..no.

 

maybe…….

 

Yes?

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Oh my God.  Ahahaha  you ass

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:    what! it’s not my fault. it happened! I couldn’ help it… Tony. You think I’ll get in trouble for drinkin’ on the job? cuz I totally didn’t mean to.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Oh my God.  I love you so fucking much.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  … didn’t really answer my question.    nah this shouldn’ count anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Exactly.  Dope.  You’ll be fine.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:    oh man. What if I couldn’ta got out? How embarrassing would tha have been??? drowning in alcohol? That woulda sucked.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Oh my God.  You are seriously killing me today.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:   nooo. No dyin. Alreeady said that.  Well said no dying for me, but it was implied no dyin for you. … damn it’s dark.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Where the hell ARE you?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  I don know! A room. It’s kinda small. Wasn’t really looking when I was running to it. Just didn’ wanna be out in the open.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  ……how small we talking?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  mnn. real small. Tiny.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  ….Clint…….are you in a closet?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  psh, no….. wait.    maybe. Huh

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  AHAHAHA oh my God

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  what?! it ain’t funny, it was a room an it was here and people were coming. I think.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:      ……….oh my God.  You said ‘ain’t’.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  I did no… wait.    shut up. so? wait. did I? … yeah I did. so?

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  It’s fucking ADORABLE.  I LOVE IT

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  hahahaha s’just a word

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  No.  It’s special.  It’s how you used to talk and now I get to see it.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  hahaha well, f makes you happy. I like makin you happy

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Does.  Makes me real happy.  But seriously Clint?  I spent so long trying to get you out of the closet, and first chance you get, you run right back in?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:      wha? …..        HAHAHAHA hey! you’re n ass. Ass. you know tthat? didn’ MEAN to go back. jus happend

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Oh, suuuuuuure

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  no s’true. its dark in here and tiny. rather be ina vent or somethin but I fell AWAy from th vents cuz, gravity.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Oh my God you are seriously fucking killing me.  I’m never sober when you’re drunk.  I think I should do it more often.  You’re a fucking hilarious drunk.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  wha, I am not! Wait, staht a good thing? if thas a good thing then yes. yes I am

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Hahaha yea.  Very good thing.       So.  What do you wanna do when I get there? After I strip you naked and lick you clean, that is.  That comes first.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  I don know, thats kinda breakin my brain thinkin bout by itself.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Haha good.  I like being able to do that.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:      doin what? breakin my brain? … mean

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:      Heh.  Maybe.        Well.  Could just continue my way down.  Suck you.  If you’re feeling a bit less shaky, can get down on the ground, let me ride you.  Don’t think that would be TOO taxing on your drunk body, if you’re not standing.  Or you could take a turn.  Wouldn’t mind having that mouth on my cock.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  I… that. no. wait. you’re giving me too many options.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Hey, I’m not in charge here.  This is a democracy.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  psh, bein difficult

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:      …..Difficult?       Okay, then.  Here’s how it’s going to go.  Stay right where you are.  I’m going to come find you.  I’m going to tear your clothes off and lick you clean, then suck you off and finger fuck you until you come all over me.  How’s that.  That specific enough for you?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:      ah. fuck. tha. yes. yes. yes that. specific. yeah. lets do tha t

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Oh good.  That’s the plan, then.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  yeah. that. uh. so. here? wanna, in here?

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Yea.  There.  Literally right there.  In the closet.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:      oh… really? cuz ts kinda small. really small.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  …….can we both fit?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  uh. yeah, I mean technicly. don know how comfortble it’ll be

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Well.  Don’t want to make us uncomfortable.  I just.        I like the idea.  Something….forbidden about it.  It’s sexy.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  yeah? mn. you put it liike tha kinda wanna try. think it’ll work.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Yea?  Heh.  Cool.  If we’re not comfortable, we can move.  Just…..really like the idea

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  mnn wanna do it if you wanna do it

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  I do.  Sounds fucking hot.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  course s’hot. we’re always hot. ain’t no one gonna say diffrnt cuz we’r hot

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Oh my God you said it again.  I cannot describe the many and varied ways in which I want to violate you.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  fuck tha sounds so damn good. wan you. you here? you close? I was close righ? I was clos ta hoome. S’why I took the mission. but you close? right?

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Almost there.  Bout to land.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  yeah? good. um. you don think theyll find us righ? will they? thought peopl wer e comin but no one found me so coul be safe

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  I did a scan and it didn’t turn up anyone, so I think we’re safe.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:    so I didn havta run at all? well thas silly.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Heh.  No.  I mean, better safe than sorry.  But yea.  Great mental image.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  shut up. was disor ien taated….. disorientned? yeah an confused by near death experience.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Oh my God.  You are so fucking wasted.  You even sure you can get it up?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  hey! I can get it up thank you  ver y muh. shut up.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Yea?  You sure?    Or do you know already?  You hard from all that talk?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  um.    ha! mostly. so there!

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  ……..mostly?  You sure you can handle this?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  hey. don give me that. yea I can handl this. s’only mostly cuz m still wet an its cold here. An youre not here. you here? when’re you here?

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  I’m here.  Trying to find my way in.

 

Goddamn.  You really did destroy that thing, didn’t you.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  hahahahahaha you see it! whole thin came down. And it ain’t my fault I said. Shotty archtecture. shotty.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  OH MY GOD YOU SAID IT AGAIN

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:   I did? … huh. haha I did, like that you like tha. serosly love that. love that you do.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  I do.  Love it so fucking much.  If you ever say that in front of me…..swear to God.  I’ll fucking die on the spot.  I don’t even know how I’ll react.  So happy.           Okay, I think I see your closet.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  hahahaha yeah? you sure? I hope so cuz I wann a see syou. Toony. wanna see you.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:      You are seriously killing me here.      You’d better be able to get it up.  I want you so bad I can’t stand it.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  told you I will! shuhs and come violate me. damn it

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  I AM

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:  ha good. Com see whas behind door numbr one.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:  Is it a sexy blonde archer?

 

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye58:   is a sexy blond fuckin wasted archer. Whos horny. an wants you. so tak care o me. ll strt poutin. I’ll do it.

 

 

 

 

 

Stark1:      Hahaha oh man.  Well, I better not keep you waiting, then.  Here I come, ready or not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~tbc~

 

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11 Comments

  1. J2

     /  October 1, 2013

    XD

    Reply
  2. Paisley15

     /  October 2, 2013

    This is, this is just adorable. Like, I can’t even…

    😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

    Reply
    • The best part is that after we typed these up, they got lost. We only had about the first five texts and memories of random lines throughout and we started over again. So I’m pretty impressed we got it right again.

      Reply
  3. cutsycat

     /  October 2, 2013

    Drunk Clint is so cute. ❤

    Reply
  4. britewing

     /  October 3, 2013

    hahaha i love this 🙂 have to say Drunk Clint = Cute Clint and yay for Tony getting an ain’t from him

    Reply
  5. fuzzyelf76

     /  October 6, 2013

    I love this one!!!! I could not stop laughing at drunk Clint!! If he says ain’t in front of Tony things could get seriously smutty…..and that would be hot!!!! lol Sorry it took me so long to review. I just started a new shift at work and can only really read on weekends while I get used to the new schedule. I loved this one and can’t wait for the next chapter!!!!

    Reply
    • Thank you! Drunk Clint IS pretty spectacular. Now picture that doubled when he and Tony were both drunk at the gala. Though Tony holds it together better lol. He can hold his alcohol better.
      I’ll be writing as soon as I can get the keyboard fixed on my computer. Stupid cat.
      Thank you for the wonderful review!^^

      Reply
  6. Windstorm124

     /  January 12, 2014

    Adorable story. And I think things could get REALLY interesting if Clint just completely uses the country accent. (grins). Food for thought? And sorry this isn’t longer, my cat’s laying on one arm.

    Reply
    • LOL you just love that accent, don’t you? Well we’ll see. He IS drunk. Maybe it’ll just….slip? 😛

      Reply
      • Windstorm124

         /  January 15, 2014

        (grins sheepishly). Yeah…. Maybe I have a thing about accents, I don’t know. Either way, I agree with Tony. Clint speaking in a country accent is a HOT idea

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