An early relationship discussion leads to so much more.
So yea! You guys get another new piece before I update an old one. Because for serious? Almost 100 pieces on this computer. Life, what is it?
Sorry I haven’t been around much. Had surgery, which hopefully sorted out the stomach problem, and I’ve been recuperating by watching every season of ‘Supernatural’. I repeat. Life, what is it? Clearly, I do not have one.
****Anyway, this heavily references ‘Magic Hands’, which is one of the REALLY early stories posted, so I put the link here. It’s really early in their relationship, probably before they move in together. Hope you enjoy.
Hawkeye58: Hey Tony…..you ever still have nightmares?
Hawkeye58: Sorry. Don’t have to answer.
Stark1: ……yea. Sometimes. Just…….not a really pleasant topic for conversation.
Hawkeye58: Sorry…..I just. I had one and it reminded me I should mention something about it.
Stark1: Why? What’s wrong? Are you okay?
Hawkeye58: No. No. Everything’s fine…..usually it’s not even noticeable. I rarely remember them. Just wanted to tell you if they do happen to be noticeable to not wake me up.
Hawkeye58: Um yeah. Because I don’t wake up right away. So…..ha. Um….best if you just don’t.
Hawkeye58: Because I don’t want to hurt you when I wake up. I’m a light sleeper usually. When I’m in so deep I can’t wake myself up, it follows me when I do.
Stark1: No. No way. I’m not going to let you just stay asleep through some terrible dream. Not if I’m there and can help you.
Hawkeye58: Tony. Please. Look. Last time someone tried to wake me up they ended up with a broken collarbone. It doesn’t happen often. I wouldn’t have even told you but if it does happen I didn’t want you getting hurt because I have sleep issues.
Stark1: I’m not going to just leave you like that.
Hawkeye58: Tony, please……look. Okay. I guess I can’t stop you but please. Don’t get close. You can’t get close.
Stark1: I’ll get as close as I have to.
Hawkeye58: …….you really are a moron. I told you so you wouldn’t get yourself hurt.
Stark1: I’m not going to get hurt. But I can’t leave you like that. I know I wouldn’t want to sit one second longer than I had to through one of those dreams. I want to take care of you. I’m going to take care of you.
Hawkeye58: But what if I hurt you?
Stark1: I’ll get better.
Hawkeye58: What if you don’t?!
Stark1: I will.
Hawkeye58: Oh God, Tony. You’re gonna make me a wreck.
Stark1: That’s what I live for. 😉
Hawkeye58: Heh. You ass.
Stark1: That’s me.
Hawkeye58: Please. Just remember. I won’t know it’s you.
…..I’ll wake you up from yours too, you know.
Stark1: ….thanks. Really. That’s really good to know.
Hawkeye58: Okay. Don’t worry. Heh. Sorry. I really. I just didn’t want you to end up hurt because. Yeah. Didn’t mean to stir the hornet’s nest so to speak.
Stark1: Well…..I still don’t even know what’s upsetting you, so I really don’t know how to help. So, if I can…..if you want to tell me…..I’m here.
Hawkeye58: I know. I mean. I’m not trying to keep it secret. It’s mostly just remembering bad situations you already know about. Nothing to help. I just didn’t want you to unknowingly try and shake me awake and end up with a broken neck.
Stark1: Well, I don’t want you to sit through that shit.
Hawkeye58: Just dreams……I know that.
Stark1: Yea, well dreams can be really real. And really bad.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.
…..that why you practically live off caffeine?
Stark1: The caffeine is more so I can keep working. But yea, that’s why I don’t like sleeping.
Hawkeye58: Heh…..we. We should spar. Before sleeping. Exhaustion. Physical exhaustion seems to help. Me, anyway. Think it’s being too tired to dream.
Stark1: Yea. Something. Anything.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Yeah…..sorry. Wish I could do more.
Stark1: Just having you is enough.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Sappy bastard.
….still doesn’t feel like I’m doing enough.
Stark1: No, really. It’s me. Ever since Afghanistan. Seeing what I was really doing. How many deaths I’m responsible for. How many lives I’ve ruined. Steve says I’m just fighting for me, and I guess in a way I am. I want to make up for all those people. And I never, ever will. I can’t.
Hawkeye58: Yeah……I know that feeling…..and Steve doesn’t get it. You can fight for you AND other people. I mean. I think you can, anyway. It’s not always black and white, you know? You’ve still done a lot of good.
Stark1: More bad than good. But I’m trying.
Hawkeye58: Haha well. We can start an exclusive club.
Stark1: Haha cool. Steve can’t join. That automatically makes it cool.
Stark1: Haha what? He’s a pain in the ass.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. He still means well, I guess. Totally not club material, though.
Stark1: Definitely not.
Hawkeye58: What should we call it?
Stark1: Ha. No idea. I’d have to think on that one.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Ha.
Stark1: Heh. No ideas, either?
Hawkeye58: Ha not really. Hard to think of a name for this kinda group. The trying-not-to-fuck-ups? 😛
Stark1: HAHA! Appropriate, but it doesn’t fall too easily from the tongue.
Hawkeye58: Right. Doesn’t even shorten nice.
Stark1: Yea. Need something similar, though.
Hawkeye58: Ha. This is hard.
Stark1: Yea. Some genius I am.
Hawkeye58: Haha you damn slacker.
Stark1: HA! Am not. You usually yell at me to do LESS, and now I’m a slacker?
Hawkeye58: Hey. Secret clubs are super important.
Stark1: Oh, good. Then I have another excuse not to sleep tonight.
Hawkeye58: Ah no. We’re gonna spar or something and then sleep. And if you dream, I’ll wake you up.
Stark1: ………..I’d prefer not sleeping. But somehow I don’t think you’ll let me get away with that.
Hawkeye58: Nope. I mean. I prefer it too, but we went over this before.
Stark1: …………doesn’t mean I ever listen. 😛
Hawkeye58: …….so you gonna be in your lab all night again?
Hawkeye58: Okay…..you eat anything at least?
Hawkeye58: ……yeah. Stupid question. Of course you didn’t.
Stark1: ……yea…..stupid question.
Hawkeye58: …………if I sent you something, would you eat it when it got there?
Hawkeye58: Dammit, Tony. Please?
Stark1: ………you’d have more luck if you brought it over. I’d be more willing to cooperate if it meant time with you.
Hawkeye58: Heh…..I can try.
Stark1: Oh? Well, we’ll see, then.
Hawkeye58: You know…..I’d still feel better if you took a little better care of yourself. I can’t……I can’t always make sure you do.
Stark1: I’m not asking you to.
Hawkeye58: I know you’re not asking. Just. Nevermind. I’ll pick something up.
Stark1: …………….never mind. It’s fine. I’ll eat something.
Hawkeye58: It’s not fine.
Stark1: It is, too. I’m upsetting you. I don’t want to do that.
Hawkeye58: I’m fine. What do you feel like? Pizza? Chinese?
Stark1: Nothing. It’s fine. There’s stuff here at the house. I assume, anyway. Pepper always keeps the place stocked.
Hawkeye58: ……..surprise it is, then.
Stark1: Goddammit Clint, I’m not going to drag you from whatever you were doing just because I’m a five year old and can’t feed myself.
Hawkeye58: You’re not dragging me from anything. Flight’s not till the morning and I’d rather make sure for myself that you eat something.
Stark1: …………if you’re not doing anything, why aren’t you already here?
Hawkeye58: I had a briefing. And I was trying to catch up on sleep but it wasn’t really working, anyway.
Stark1: Yea…..well……..I really don’t want to sleep now, either, so………….how early are you leaving? Could you stay the night?
Hawkeye58: Flight’s at eight….
Stark1: ………oh. Okay. Nevermind.
Hawkeye58: I’ll stay….but. You’re eating….and trying to catch some sleep. Just a little.
Stark1: If you’re with me, I promise to leave the lab and to do my best to sleep. As long as you’re with me.
Hawkeye58: I will be.
…..I worry about you.
Stark1: I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.
Hawkeye58: It’s fine. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t.
Stark1: No. I take shitty care of myself and then TELL you about it. I could at least keep it to myself.
Hawkeye58: No, you couldn’t. I’m trained to pick that shit up. Size up an opponent. It’s really easy to tell when you haven’t been sleeping. Easy to tell when you haven’t eaten.
Stark1: ………………sorry. I’m a shitty boyfriend.
Hawkeye58: No, you’re not…..but. I mean, I’m not asking you to completely change your habits. Just. Eat at least ONCE every day…..and sleep. A few hours. The fact you got yourself to hallucinating that time kind of scared me.
Hawkeye58: …………never mind. It’s fine. Hey. I’m getting you shawarma.
Stark1: Okay. Ah. Thanks.
Hawkeye58: Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s fine.
Hawkeye58: Don’t be. It’s fine. Nothing to be sorry about.
Stark1: Yea, there is. I know it upsets you and I do it anyway. Don’t know that I can stop myself but I still feel bad. Don’t like upsetting you.
Hawkeye58: It’s fine. I’ll get over it. Not like it’s not normal behavior or anything.
Stark1: Heh. Normal for you and me, maybe. Don’t think it’s at all normal by normal standards.
Hawkeye58: No. But I don’t usually pay much attention to that.
Stark1: Ha. Wouldn’t think so.
……so, is there some special treatment for hallucinations or do you just need to sleep more and stuff?
Hawkeye58: Sleep really is the only thing unless it’s drugs that’s doing it. Though there are drugs that can help you sleep without dreaming.
Stark1: Ah. So…………hypothetically speaking, where would one go to obtain such things?
Hawkeye58: I have no clue. Coulson usually sneaks them on me when he thinks I’m getting unhealthy. Or something. Don’t really know what he uses as a basis. I’m sure he’d love to use them on you too, though.
Stark1: ……….yea. Dammit.
Hawkeye58: What? It’s actually not that bad. You hallucinate again and I’m not there to help you sleep, see if you can get some.
Stark1: …………..um………..kind of why I was asking…..
Hawkeye58: ….I’ll get you some. I’ll have Coulson send some tomorrow.
Stark1: Okay. Okay. Thanks.
Hawkeye58: Hey……I should be thanking YOU…..I’m the one pushing you to sleep.
Stark1: It’s not the sleeping that’s bothering me.
Hawkeye58: I know. But it’s what starts it.
Stark1: Yea. Just…….don’t really like sleeping but having these again can’t be good.
Hawkeye58: Yeah…..why? Is this new? Them coming back?
Stark1: …………sort of? I don’t know. There’s little things sometimes. But the past couple of days it’s been pretty bad. Cept when its you I see. That’s always nice.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Well. Least I help.
Stark1: You do. I mean, probably not good to be seeing something that big, but I’m glad it’s you.
Hawkeye58: ………..I have no idea what that means or whether I should be concerned or amused. You in your lab?
Stark1: You. Life-sized. Pretty big hallucination. And….um……I’m in A lab…..
Hawkeye58: …….okay. Shit. How long have you been having this one?
Stark1: ……….this one? As in fake-you? Um………………….wow. I don’t know. But he kind of comes and goes as he wants. Kind of like the real you. 😛
Hawkeye58: Heh. I do what I want…..but seriously. Can you at least stop working til I get there? Tell that bastard fake-me not to let you do anything stupid.
Stark1: Well, he’s also like you in that he doesn’t listen. But I can try.
Hawkeye58: Oh, like you’re one to talk. Okay. I’ll be there in a minute. Gonna get some food in you, then you’re going to bed.
Stark1: ………….I’m guessing arguing is going to get me nowhere?
Hawkeye58: Nowhere. Not even a chance in hell, so save us all some trouble.
Hawkeye58: I won’t let you stay with your nightmares. Soon as they start, I’ll get you up.
Stark1: ………..thanks. That…that helps. Should probably be sleeping, anyway. It’s been getting…well….I should look into it.
Hawkeye58: ………..Jesus, Tony. How bad has it gotten?
Stark1: ……..um…….I’d prefer not to say. I don’t feel like getting yelled at.
Hawkeye58: Goddammit. Tony…..shit. Goddammit. Okay. Okay. I’m gonna call Bruce to look you over tomorrow. Dammit.
Stark1: I’m sorry! I didn’t want to worry you.
Hawkeye58: Tony…..shit. So I come back and find you in a coma or something and THAT’S supposed to be better? I don’t even KNOW how to make it better. I just know sleep. But I don’t know what to do when it gets worse. I don’t remember.
Stark1: I’m sorry. It was stupid. I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry.
Hawkeye58: It’s fine. Look. Don’t worry about it right now, okay? I’m here…..just have to find you. I’ll take care of it. You’re gonna be fine.
Stark1: Okay. I’m sorry. I……I’m in one of the labs. I’ll come meet you.
Hawkeye58: No! No, you stay right the hell where you are. I’ll find you. I’ll find you, don’t worry.
Stark1: Okay okay I’m sorry! I CAN walk, you know.
Hawkeye58: Just. Stay there. Please. I’ll be right there.
Stark1: Okay, I’m staying. I’m staying. Promise. Ask Jarvis. He’ll help you out.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Okay…..dumb fuck. I love you.
Stark1: HA! I can feel the love.
…..I’m kidding, you know. I really can. I love you too.
Hawkeye58: I found you. See you in a minute.