Tony doesn’t have the first idea how to take care of himself. Clint HATES that.
This is OLD, guys. Super old. Takes place before ‘Adventures in Science’.
Stark1: Feel sick.
Hawkeye58: Aww. I’m sorry.
Stark1: Waaaaahhhhhhh fix it.
Stark1: I don’t know. Magic.
Hawkeye58: Oh yeah. Magic. Because I have so much of that.
Stark1: You have LOADS of magic.
Hawkeye58: Are you sure we’re thinking of the same person? This is me?
Stark1: Yup. Definitely you.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, I think you’ve been watching too much TV again.
Stark1: Not really. Spent most of the day in bed, actually. It was BORING. Really fucking BORING.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, being sick usually involves being bored. It’s like…..insult to injury.
Stark1: Seriously. I kept trying to sneak down to the lab but Pepper would YELL at me.
Hawkeye58: You do bring out the best in people, don’t you.
Stark1: Hey. I’m awesome.
She kept saying I was gonna break stuff cuz I was shaking. But I have LOTS of stuff. I can afford to break some.
Hawkeye58: …..you were shaking? You shouldn’t be shaking. Were you cold? Why were you shaking?
Stark1: I don’t know. I’ve had the shakes for two days in a row now.
Hawkeye58: …..that’s not cool. You should fix that. Tony, go be a Goddamned genius and fix that.
Stark1: Hahaha I’m not really good at random health problems. Science and mechanics are more my forte.
Besides, I already said. Pepper won’t let me out of bed.
Hawkeye58: Well……..you should make a robot or something that IS good at fixing health problems.
Stark1: HA! I would have to be able to program it for that.
…….hm. That could be fun, actually. Have to input knowledge that I myself don’t have. That could be REALLY fun.
Hawkeye58: …..yeah, I’m suddenly regretting giving you that idea
Stark1: Haha why?
Hawkeye58: I don’t know… I just see this ending badly.
Stark1: Hey. You doubting my skill?
Stark1: ……………………..that’s it. No goodies for you for like…………a month.
Hawkeye58: Hey! If it were just tech and science I’d be happy to let you do whatever… but you just said you didn’t have the knowledge to input into it. THAT’S scary, dude.
Stark1: Hey. You’ve met Jarvis. He helps me problem-solve all the time.
Hawkeye58: Problem solving is a little different from medical practice
Stark1: The point is that he comes up with knowledge that I myself don’t have. I’m sure I can handle making something similar, Doubting Thomas.
Hawkeye58: Jarvis has had time to learn these things… actually, I would trust Jarvis with medical stuff… no necessarily a new one… it would need to, I don’t know, go to med class or something first.
Stark1: Well, I’m just going to have to prove you wrong.
Hawkeye58: Oh, really now.
Stark1: Yea, really. You still haven’t been in any of the labs. You don’t know HALF the shit I’ve created.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, what’s with that?
Stark1: I don’t know. I’ve offered.
Hawkeye58: Yeah……somehow we always get distracted.
Hawkeye58: Haha yeah.
Stark1: Maybe if you didn’t throw me down as soon as you got in the door. You animal, you.
Hawkeye58: Sometimes I just can’t help myself. In the field it’s always, waiting, patience, waiting, radio silence, waiting… you never said stop. Figured that was a cue to keep going.
Hawkeye58: …..shut up.
Stark1: That was another comment I was really expecting a “fuck you” response. Instead I get that. That was REALLY fucking sexy.
Hawkeye58: Hahahaha. I considered saying fuck you, but I also figured you’d have some damn witty comeback to it
Stark1: Well, I like this response better.
Stark1: ……..come throw me down again sometime soon. Cuz yeah. Sexy.
Hawkeye58: Hahahaha. When you’re better, maybe.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, maybe. Depends if you’re still being an ass or not.
Stark1: HEY! I am NOT being an ass.
Hawkeye58: You were trying to be an ass.
Stark1: How was I trying to be an ass? I’m complimenting you on your mad sex appeal.
Hawkeye58: You were trying to get a rise out of me and you know it.
But I DO appreciate you enjoying my mad sex appeal.
Stark1: …………………..jerk. Fine. See if I LET you throw me down.
Hawkeye58: Like you’d be able to stop me. Besides, were’nt you saying the other day that you WANTED me to throw you around… you’re weird.
Stark1: Throwing me around is different from throwing me DOWN. Get it straight.
Hawkeye58: Around = straight… down… not so much?
Stark1: Down means you’re going to violate me in ridiculously wonderful ways.
Hawkeye58: Exactly…..so, not so straight. 😛
But in either case you do get thrown downward. It can be confusing.
Stark1: Well, when you throw me around, you’re throwing me about. repetatively. Down you’re pretty much getting me down and then I’m staying down. While you fuck me.
…..which is sounding really good.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, well, forget about it. If you’re contagious, I don’t want it… don’t mind visiting though.
Stark1: …….how is visiting less contagious than fucking me? Besides, I’m not really having other symptoms, just this damn fucking shaking. It’s driving me nuts.
Hawkeye58: Visiting is not exchanging fluids. The shaking worries me.
Stark1: I’ll be fine. I wanna see you. And other stuff.
Hawkeye58: Told you. I’ll visit… not gonna be any throw downs though.
Stark1: ……party pooper.
Hawkeye58: Hey, the last thing I need is to somehow make you worse. Then you won’t be the only one fucked… you’ll just have enjoyed yours more.
Stark1: But you said sexy things and now you’ve got me all frustrated.
Hawkeye58: There are other ways to get you un-frustrated.
Stark1: …….probably not as fun.
Hawkeye58: Oh ye of little faith.
Hawkeye58: Or you know. I can just let you stay in bed, frustrated until you work it out yourself.
Stark1: Goddamit you just love winding me up.
Hawkeye58: I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that I actually can.
Stark1: Yea, you’re pretty much the only one.
Hawkeye58: Hell, that’s a major compliment right there.
Stark1: Shut up.
Hawkeye58: What, it is. I’m impressed by my mad skills.
Stark1: And you’re greatly enjoying it. Now quit teasing.
Hawkeye58: Fine, fine.
Stark1: …………so you’re just not going to explain what you were talking about? Jerkface.
Hawkeye58: You seemed uninterested.
Stark1: ……..oh, yea. Because the way I totally freaked out just SCREAMS uninterested.
Hawkeye58: No, no, you seemed pretty convinced that if I wasn’t throwing you down that getting rid of your frustration wouldn’t be fun.
Stark1: Yea, and then AFTER that you said stuff, and then I had my freak out. And then you were a jerkface and refused to explain.
Hawkeye58: Hey, you went silent. I figured that meant you were still unimpressed
Stark1: …………I hate you so much right now.
Hawkeye58: You love me and you know it.
Hawkeye58: Looooooooooooove me.
Stark1: If I could, I’d reach through my phone and throttle you.
Stark1: I’m SICK. You’re supposed to be nice to me.
Hawkeye58: Hey, I figured you’d like some normalcy.
Hawkeye58: You know you do.
Stark1: What….want normalcy? No. I want you to come over and love me.
Hawkeye58: Hey, I said I would.
Stark1: Yea. Then you started TEASING. And not answering questions.
Hawkeye58: You really are held up on those answers.
Stark1: Hey. If the positions were reversed, wouldn’t YOU be?
Hawkeye58: Well…….yeah okay, probably.
Hawkeye58: Shut up.
Stark1: No, you. And explain yourself.
Hawkeye58: Make me.
Stark1: ………you are being extremely difficult today.
Stark1: Tch whatever. I’ll just go work on the stupid medical robot.
Hawkeye58: No, you’re supposed to be resting.
Stark1: Whatever. Working in the lab is relaxing. As long as I can sneak past Pepper.
Hawkeye58: She probably has Jarvis on her side.
Stark1: No way. Jarvis only listens to me.
Hawkeye58: I don’t know. Women have their ways around everything.
Stark1: No. Fuck that. Do not EVEN start bashing my computer systems. You are mad insulting my tech abilities tonight.
Hawkeye58: I’m not insulting your tech abilities, I’m complimenting Pepper’s ability to keep you not-dead.
Stark1: No way. Jarvis is not going to listen to Pepper over me.
Hawkeye58: You’re making the child pick sides? That’s just mean, Tony.
Stark1: …………..what, are Pepper and I married now? You’re back on this again? You have issues.
Hawkeye58: I never said the child was both of yours. And yes, I’m aware I have issues.
Stark1: Jarvis is MINE. And you’re mean tonight.
Hawkeye58: I never said he… is ‘he’ right? ‘He’ sounds better than ‘it’… but I never said he wasn’t. But I’ve heard Jarvis lots of times when you’re pushing yourself. You’re AI seems to have a good bedside manner. And I’m not being mean.
Stark1: Are too. And still dodging questions. So I think my robots may be better company. Even the ones unlike Jarvis, who don’t talk.
Hawkeye58: I’m not dodging questions.
Stark1: Are too.
Hawkeye58: What am I dodging?
Stark1: What you were going to do to help un-frustrate me. Which apparently isn’t happening. Which is why I’m going to the lab now.
Hawkeye58: You’re so impatient. And I maybe gonna show you how good I could be with my hands. But then you seemed uninterested. And now you’re irritated.
Stark1: How was I uninterested? Dammit, you’re frustrating.
Hawkeye58: YOU said it wouldn’t be fun.
Stark1: I said that I doubted whatever it was would be as fun as having sex! You hadn’t even given me a clue yet!
Hawkeye58: And you automatically assumed I wouldn’t entertain you to the extent that you wanted.
Stark1: ………….you’re an ass. You know exactly what I meant and you’re choosing to take it out of context.
Hawkeye58: Was not taking it out of context. You were whining and extinguishing my attempt to compromise before it had even had a chance to really start.
Stark1: I MADE ONE COMMENT
Dammit. Whatever. There’s no point trying to reason with you.
I’m going to go to the lab. If you don’t hear from me, the twitching has won and I’ve killed myself with soldering tools.
Hawkeye58: ….that’s really not funny.
Stark1: Nope, but possible.
Hawkeye58: I’m coming over.
Stark1: Whatever. I’m going to the lab.
Hawkeye58: Don’t…..don’t do anything dangerous.
Stark1: I’ll fucking solder all I want.
Hawkeye58: Seriously, Tony……don’t hurt yourself. I’ll be over soon.
Stark1: You haven’t put me in a mood where I feel much like behaving.
Hawkeye58: You’re rarely in a mood where you feel like behaving.
Stark1: Besides the point.
Hawkeye58: Hey, I answered your question!
….look. Whatever you want, so long as it won’t make you get worse okay? I’ll do whatever you want. Just, don’t go down there irritated… you blow stuff up more when you’re upset.
Stark1: How do you know? You’ve never been to the lab.
Hawkeye58: I’ve heard stories.
Hawkeye58: ….. Bruce might have mentioned it in passing once… Pepper’s not as subtle.
Hawkeye58: I probably would have assumed even if they hadn’t… you can be kind of accident prone.
Hawkeye58: Well, it’s true.
Stark1: …..not supposed to pick up on that.
Hawkeye58: Dude… it’s kind of in my job description to pick up on things. If it makes you feel any better, I’m not much better.
Stark1: …..don’t wanna talk about it.
Hawkeye58: Okay. Won’t.
Stark1: Good. Thanks.
Hawkeye58: We’ll talk about something else?
Hawkeye58: Ah. Like what? I can’t really contribute science-y stuff, sorry.
Stark1: That’s fine. Was gonna go downstairs, still.
Hawkeye58: Oh….. well yeah. Gonna really try to make a medical robot thing?
….um… when I get there. Can I watch? You work?
Stark1: When you get here you can do whatever you want.
Hawkeye58: You still mad?
Stark1: Just….blah. Don’t feel good. And bummed out. And wanna see you.
Hawkeye58: Well. I’ll be there soon. You really should rest… maybe work on something less complicated
Stark1: The prep shouldn’t be too complex.
Stark1: When’re you coming?
Hawkeye58: On my way. Carrier’s gonna pass by. Hitched a ride.
Hawkeye58: What? It’s faster.
Stark1: You’re so badass.
Stark1: Well, I’m going to go start planning stuff.
Uh……….if you run into Pepper when you get here………please don’t let her murder me for going to the lab.
Hawkeye58: I’ll try to be stealthy. But should we run into each other. I don’t know, I’ll come up with something.
Stark1: Haha thanks. Her wrath can be quite something. I’d rather not deal with it tonight. Feel fucking crappy enough already.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Nah, I’ll keep her off the trail long as I can.
Stark1: Ha. Thanks. I’ll see you in a bit. Oh. Do you even know where the lab is?
Oh. Just ask Jarvis.
Hawkeye58: That I can do.
Hawkeye58: Don’t burn yourself before I get there. Don’t hurt yourself in general.
Stark1: Heh. No promises. But I’ll try not to.
Stark1: You’ll be a much better distraction than the lab.
Hawkeye58: Good. I like being distracting… you know unless I’m working… then being the distraction SUCKS. And not in the good way. But you know. Distracting you is nice
Stark1: Ha. So you like causing trouble for me.
Hawkeye58: Hahaha only sometimes.
Stark1: Pft. Right.
Hawkeye58: It’s true. Most times I like causing trouble WITH you. Much more fun
Stark1: Haha. I agree.
I should get going though, while Pepper’s gone.
Hawkeye58: Okay. See you soon.
Stark1: Love you.
Hawkeye58: Love you too.