Tonight, I went into my computer and read through some of the old old OLD texts that J2 and I had created back before ‘Stark With a Drink’ had been written. These texts had been scrapped to a folder labelled ‘extra’ because after the story was begun, they had no place in it. When it turned out that Tony reveals his feelings at the gala, these texts and the storyline they created became moot, for they followed a storyline where Tony’s and Clint’s relationship developed more slowly. However, there were several stories I still liked, and that had bits that features into later stories (oh, like this is where Tony’s archery fetish first comes up), so I decided to edit three of them down and post them here for you. Hopefully you enjoy them, and it wasn’t pointless.
Some of them can still sort of fit within the realm of the story. Throughout our texting, one theme remained constant: that of a completely in love Tony trying to coax a somewhat confused and more standoffish Clint to open up to the idea of a relationship.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!
Tony pushes for attention, Clint struggles to open up, and they begin to find they have more in common than they knew.
Stark1: Clint, I’m TIRED. Come snuggle me.
Hawkeye58: Sorry, no can do. Work’s got me chained down.
Stark1: ……I could have you chained down.
Hawkeye58: Well that definitely sounds way more fun.
Stark1: Oh? Starting to show those cards a bit more.
Hawkeye58: Don’t get ahead of yourself too much. A lot of things are way more fun than all this paperwork. Which I still say is a waste of time and resources.
Stark1: Oh? Things like ‘Tasha’? She there with you?
Hawkeye58: Ha. Yea. She can be fun when she wants. But no. Just me. It’s like….torture. Forms and numbers everywhere.
Stark1: Hey, I’M fun. I’m LOADS of fun.
Hawkeye58: I never said you weren’t. You must have been confused when the conversation shifted away from yourself.
Stark1: ……and you call ME an ass. I was merely pointing out that maybe you should spend more time with ME as opposed to your lovely ‘Tasha’.
Hawkeye58: Hey, I have no qualms with that. The job’s what makes it difficult.
Stark1: Mm. If you say so. I think you’ve got the hots for her.
Hawkeye58: Hey, we’re partners. Got each other’s backs and all that.
Stark1: ……I notice that wasn’t a denial.
Hawkeye58: Hey, you have to admit she’s hot.
Stark1: …..I can concede the point. Grudgingly.
Hawkeye58: See? It can’t be helped.
Stark1: Hey, I’m a pretty dapper looking guy.
…….if I do say so myself. I mean, if you’re saying (and you were) that her looks added to your enjoyment of her company, then maybe it’d help you enjoy MY company more. Unless you don’t find me attractive.
Hawkeye58: I’m beginning to detect that jealousy thing again. Though I’ll agree, you have the dapper thing going for you.
Stark1: Yea? You think? Thanks.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. No problem. I mean, I’m sure you have people telling you that all the time, though.
Stark1: Yea, it happens, but, well, it’s you. I wouldn’t have ever expected you to say so.
Hawkeye58: Yea, well. You asked. I didn’t feel the need to lie.
Stark1: Glad to hear it.
Hawkeye58: Yea….well. You’re still an ass.
Stark1: …………that sounds like a defensive cover-up to me.
Hawkeye58: Ah…no. Still telling the truth over here.
Stark1: Yes, but in a defensive way.
Stark1: …yea, you’re not helping your case, buddy.
Hawkeye58: Well…..there’s no case to make……just talking. Passing time. Work. And all that.
Stark1: Mmhm. Yea. Just the tone of voice. Or tone of text, rather. It’s okay, I get it, your masculinity feels threatened.
Hawkeye58: It doesn’t. I’m actually quite confident in my masculinity, thank you.
Stark1: Yea? That’s good. Thought I was going to need to risk mine. I was beginning to think I’d have to slip into a leather catsuit to get any attention from you. That’s what it seems to require.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, you know, I don’t know how much that’d work for you. Stick with dapper.
…..you really wanted my attention that badly?
Stark1: You’re a pretty fascinating guy.
Hawkeye58: This coming from THE Tony Stark. I’m almost speechless.
Stark1: Does that comment mean I’m obnoxious and you weren’t expecting a compliment, or that I myself am fascinating?
Hawkeye58: That you’re interesting and probably have far more interesting things to occupy your time other than your fellow asshole teammates.
Stark1: Hm. You find me interesting. Also good to know.
Hawkeye58: You know, I’m starting to worry you’re all too good at causing me to drop my guard.
Stark1: Wasn’t my intention at all. I was simply saying that it was nice to know that you think I’m interesting. I’m not jotting down notes for an evil plot or anything.
Hawkeye58: Well…..it is you. Wouldn’t have surprised me. But I’ll take your word for it.
Stark1: Not feeling too wordy, huh?
Hawkeye58: Well, we can’t all be able to talk endlessly. That’s your department.
Stark1: Yea, well I’m carrying the conversation, and believe it or not, I don’t want to talk endlessly about me.
Hawkeye58: Okay. Well. I’m kind of lacking in interesting topics.
Stark1: Oh yea, cuz I’VE been doing anything but babble. Quite charmingly, but still.
Hawkeye58: Hey, I’ve been sharing my input, too. But generally if it’s not about a mission, or a bow, I will admit I tend to lack the attention span to follow it.
Stark1: Oh come on, you must have other interests. I don’t just do my science nerd stuff. I MAINLY do my nerd stuff, but I get out and about.
Hawkeye58: ……I like bars. And sparring. Sparring is always fun. Climbing things.
Stark1: The “….” hesitation makes me a bit curious, but that all sounds cool. PLEASE tell me you get drunk at karaoke bars and sing Avril Lavigne, cuz I think you’ll break my heart if you say no.
Hawkeye58: Haha. I don’t think I have. But then there have been an occasion or two where I don’t even remember getting back home. So I suppose it’s a possibility.
Stark1: YES. You have truly made my day.
…….wait, no memory of getting home? Did someone roofies you?
Hawkeye58: ……I have no idea. Thus the no memories. I mean…everything SEEMED all right. So I like to think I just drank way over my limit. That or started a fight and got clocked hard enough to forget. That’s always a possibility.
Stark1: Yea, but you got home SOMEHOW.
……..it was Tasha, wasn’t it. You can tell me, it’s okay. Show Tony where the bad lady touched you.
Hawkeye58: Haha. It could have been. I thought she was on a mission though. She wasn’t there when I STARTED drinking. Or when I woke up. But she IS kind of a ninja. Or something.
Stark1: Mm. And the thought of Tasha molesting you is a pleasant one? Interesting.
Hawkeye58: Well. It’s not entirely unpleasant. Still, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t so I wasn’t worried.
Stark1: It’s interesting that “molestation” itself is fine by you. You’re a strange guy.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. I’ve been told that. Sometimes I wonder when the psych guys will stop letting me loose.
Stark1: ……I’m going to take that at face value and not assume that you’re joking.
So, this only work for Tasha, then, or is it open to all?
Hawkeye58: Not at all. But maybe not just Tasha. Guess it depends who it is and how I’m feeling.
Stark1: Ah. Gotcha.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. But no. Yeah. That was a fun bar night I think. Had to be. Didn’t even have THAT bad of a hangover. Think I may have slept through it.
Stark1: Jeez, how much sleep did you get?
Hawkeye58: Eh. About ten hours. That’s a lot. Good thing I didn’t have to be anywhere.
Stark1: ……yea, we definitely need to go drinking. I usually don’t have anyone who can keep up with me. Or even wants to try.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Sounds fun. Why didn’t we think of that sooner?
Stark1: Well, it’s pretty much a normal weekly activity to me by now. It’s not the first thing that comes to mind when looking for things to do.
Hawkeye58: Lucky you. I think sometimes they create my schedule just so I can’t find a good bar to get blasted. It’s a sad thing. Probably some sort of SHIELD conspiracy.
Stark1: Yea, see, that’s one of the really good things about being your own boss. Making your own schedule.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. That must be nice. Have at least some sort of say of where you go, too, I imagine.
Stark1: For the most part, yea. I’m spoiled.
Hawkeye58: Just a little, maybe.
Stark1: Wow, I know you’re teasing, but you’re actually doing it nicely! To what do I owe this privilege?
Hawkeye58: Why? You prefer my awesome insult skills?
Stark1: Haha well, they ARE fairly impressive…..not so much as mine….but no. I’m just wondering why you got nice on me all of a sudden.
Hawkeye58: I like to think you have access to an insult thesaurus. And you started being nice first.
Stark1: I like to think I AM an insult thesaurus. And of course I’m being nice, I’m trying to charm you. Is it working?
Hawkeye58: Oh, is THAT what’s going on. Well, according to you, I’m being nicer. YOU’RE the genius. You tell me.
Stark1: Yea, well, you could just be being nice. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Sides, I’m not a hot redhead in leather.
Hawkeye58: Well, that’s true. It’s a tough act to beat. Not as much danger involved with you either, I would think. But you’re more fun to talk to. We can insult each other without me having to worry about getting a broken arm or something.
Stark1: …..I wouldn’t count out the “or something”…..
Hawkeye58: …….you’d break something, then? Or try?
Stark1: Didn’t say it was BREAKING….just meant there was an “or something” that I might try.
Hawkeye58: Oh. Well with you, you never know. You seem to break stuff as easily as you put it together, sometimes. And I thought I was bad.
Stark1: Hey, it’s all in the name of science.
Hawkeye58: I wonder if that excuse will work for me next time I break something.
…….yeah, probably not.
Stark1: Maybe if you were a super science genius like me and could back it up.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Yeah. Science was never really my thing. Too many numbers and letters. And fires, if you’re involved.
Stark1: ……says the man with the exploding arrows.
Hawkeye58: Hey. Those rarely stay on fire after they blow shit up. And I don’t make them. I just blow shit up with them. I guess an argument could be made that I’m good at physics. But I don’t understand it on paper.
Stark1: Actually, I was really just commenting on the fact that you’re mocking ME for making a mess and setting fire to things, when YOU go around blowing shit up.
Hawkeye58: Hey, I can’t help it. Some things are just asking to be blown up. Begging, even.
Stark1: ………I’m going to push aside the comment I would love to make right here.
Hawkeye58: Again, you are an ass.
Stark1: Ha. Guess you got it anyway. Which makes you a pervert.
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. Like I could really deny that. But neither can you, so I guess we’re in good company.
Stark1: This bar trip is sounding more and more fun.
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. It’s sounding awesome. What’s not to love about it?
Stark1: What’re my chances of getting you drunk enough to do silly things but not so drunk that you pass out?
Hawkeye58: Ah. Well. Probably pretty good if you can figure out when to stop the booze from flowing. Haven’t quite figured out how to tell.
Stark1: Maybe when you start stripping………hmm, there’s a thought.
Hawkeye58: I don’t recall ever stripping……damn. Now I wish I could remember all those times….just to know what the hell stupid crap I might have done.
Clint still looks at ladies. Tony wishes he wouldn’t.
Hawkeye58: Haha, can’t be helped.
Stark1: Could too. Give up the women and stick with me.
Hawkeye58: I’d consider it.
Stark1: Mm. Please do.
Hawkeye58: Will do, then.
Stark1: Oh? Is that a promise?
Hawkeye58: Hey, I know I’m obnoxious and I may have a tendency to disappear now and then, but I’d like to think I’m at least loyal.
Stark1: You are. You just seem to enjoy stringing me along. Teasing bastard.
Hawkeye58: Ha. I like having the upper edge every once in a while.
Stark1: Oh yea? So I have it the rest of the time?
Hawkeye58: You seem to.
Stark1: Wow. I feel truly accomplished.
Hawkeye58: Don’t you always?
Stark1: Well, yea, but not usually around you.
Hawkeye58: Bullshit. I mean, I know I’m pretty awesome, but I’m pretty sure most people think you’re way more accomplished anyway.
Stark1: Hey, it’s not bullshit. You seem impervious to anything awesome I say or do. It’s disheartening.
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. I can’t just admit if anyone else actually impresses me. I’ve got a reputation.
Stark1: You’re such a pain in the ass.
Hawkeye58: I know. But you’d enjoy it.
Stark1: Yea. I enjoy most things involving you and your ass.
Hawkeye58: I hadn’t noticed.
Stark1: ………..do I detect some sarcasm in that statement?
Hawkeye58: Me? Be sarcastic? That’s just silly.
Stark1: Oh, completely.
Hawkeye58: I think you’re hearing things.
Stark1: …..I think you mean “reading” things.
Hawkeye58: No. Because you can’t really read sarcasm. Well…I can’t. I hear it when I read. Like….do you do that? Like, say it in your head? Then you can hear it.
Stark1: ……yea, but you’re still READING it.
Hawkeye58: But not the sarcasm! That comes after.
Stark1: …..if it makes you feel better to think that, go ahead.
Hawkeye58: …..now you’re just patronizing me.
Stark1: Me? Patronizing? Never.
Hawkeye58: …….you’re such a dick.
Stark1: Hahaha yea, pretty much.
Hawkeye58: Least you admit it.
Stark1: Well, there’s really no point in denying it at this point. It’s pretty common knowledge by now.
Hawkeye58: Also true. But most people find it charming.
Stark1: “Most people”? You saying you don’t?
Hawkeye58: I’m not most people. I more find it refreshing.
Stark1: Well, refreshing is good. I can work with that.
Hawkeye58: That’s good then.
Clint always had Natasha. Tony always had Pepper. Other women came and went. Settling into a solid relationship requires a bit of…..finesse.
Too bad neither of them has any.
Stark1: So Clint, I’ve got another party to attend today. Guess you’re going to have to find a way to deal without the sparkling presence that is me.
Hawkeye58: Oh dear. However shall I manage. Guess I’ll have to act like a regular bachelor and not the kind that knows Mr. Tony Stark.
Stark1: ……..if you run off and hook up with some random girls, I swear to God….
Hawkeye58: ……really? That’s not an option? But what if I get bored?
Stark1: ………….I hate you.
Hawkeye58: Psh. You do not. And fine. No random girls.
……..what about NOT random girls?
Stark1: ………..I really, REALLY hate you.
Hawkeye58: Not even random ones?!
………I’m just gonna go play in traffic.
Stark1: Good. I mean, come on. You can’t think up anything to entertain yourself besides sex? That’s a little sad, then.
Hawkeye58: Eh. I can think of more. But they usually involve target practice and less enthusiastic coworkers. Though it IS fun. Maybe I’ll do that.
Stark1: You can think illicit thoughts about ME. It’s okay, I don’t mind.
Hawkeye58: Of course you wouldn’t. It’s you.
Stark1: And yet you don’t deny that you might do it. Interesting. I like where this is going.
Hawkeye58: Never said I would, either.
Stark1: Yea, but I think you do already. I’ve watched you. Eyes on you at all times.
Hawkeye58: That’s…..kind of creepy, actually. ALL times? I think you may be exaggerating.
Stark1: Hey, not ALL times, like, literally. It’s not as if I’ve planted cameras in your house. Just….well…..I like to look at you when you’re around.
Hawkeye58: Wouldn’t put it past you, you nosey bastard. Though considering, I’m surprised you don’t get sick of me.
Hawkeye58: “Eh?” Really? No witty comeback?
Stark1: Yea, well, you seem to put down all of them and never believe me. And think I’m creepy. And that I’ll get bored of you.
Hawkeye58: Well, I brush them off as easily as you do mine. And you get bored of things fast. Guess I’m not used to people maintaining interest outside of field work.
Stark1: YEA, I brush off the JOKING comments.
……….you seriously think people don’t maintain interest in you?
Hawkeye58: Eh…for the most part. Probably a good thing in my line of work.
Stark1: Well, let me assure you you’re wrong. You’ve got quite the fan following. Makes me j…….
Hawkeye58: Oh? What was that, there? I make you what now?
Stark1: ……..nothing. I said nothing. “J”. I said “j”.
Hawkeye58: It makes you “j”? Gee. You know, I know I’m not as smart as you, but I’m pretty sure that sentence doesn’t make sense.
Stark1: ………shut up. You’re smart enough to figure that one out. Don’t mock me.
Hawkeye58: Haha. Yea. Well, no reason to be “j”…..your reputation and fan base is still safe.
Stark1: ……..it’s not about MY fan base.
Hawkeye58: Then I don’t know what you’re so jealous about. You’re so damn weird sometimes.
Stark1: Well, yea, we already know I’m weird. And I want your attention. Screw the fans.
Hawkeye58: Oh, like I generally make a habit giving people the time of day. I’d say you get my attention plenty.
Stark1: Yea, grudgingly.
Hawkeye58: Yea. Uh. Don’t think I do anything I don’t want to do. I give my time grudgingly only to my more stupid assignments…not the people I decide to hang with.
Stark1: Yea? I feel honored. The great Clint Barton actually DOES enjoy my company?
Hawkeye58: Yeah, well, you seem to be one of the few people that can put up with my outstanding personality.
Stark1: Ha. I happen to enjoy your “outstanding personality”.
Hawkeye58: Yeah? Well, that’s good. Cuz it’s not changing. Still, just adds to the fact that you are a strange person. Guess I’m not one to talk, though.
Stark1: Yea, not really.
Hawkeye58: Ha! Thanks. Glad you agree.
Stark1: Totally do. You’re starkers.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. No one’s going to argue with you there.
Stark1: Good. And that let’s me slip my last name into a description of you. I like that.
Hawkeye58: It what?
……..oh. You ass.
Stark1: Hahaha. You know you love it.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, yeah.
Stark1: ……..that sounds more like agreement than denial.
Hawkeye58: Could be either. With me, how can you tell?
Stark1: I like to think I can read people pretty well.
Hawkeye58: You’re good at it, I’ll give you that.
Stark1: So, can I assume that includes you?
Hawkeye58: Well, you do a better job than the people who are paid to do it, I think.
Stark1: Wow. Another compliment? Was that a compliment?
Hawkeye58: An observation.
Stark1: Mm. I think you’re afraid to admit how much you really like me.
Hawkeye58: Hey. I’m not afraid of anything, thank you very much.
Stark1: Yea? Then admit it. Tell me how much you like me.
Hawkeye58: What? That’s not even….
Stark1: Oh? Not even what?
Hawkeye58: Nothing. This is silly. I mean…of course I like you. We’re real close. Right?
Stark1: Oh? And how close is “real close”?
Hawkeye58: I think you know damn well and now you’re just fishing.
Stark1: Hell YEA I’m fishing! You never throw me a freaking bone! You just enjoy letting me say stuff but never give anything away yourself. Would it kill you once in a while?
Hawkeye58: ………real damn close, okay. I guess I kinda fancy being with you. A little.
………..more than a little.
Stark1: …..was that so hard?
Hawkeye58: Extremely. I might die.
Stark1: Hahaha. Well, I appreciate it. Really. Really really. You tight lipped bastard.
Hawkeye58: Well, good. I mean. I want you to know, just. Yeah. Okay. Not really something I say much, I guess.
Stark1: Really? I hadn’t noticed.
Hawkeye58: I know. I hide it so well.
Stark1: Oh yea. Definitely.
Hawkeye58: I think it works. Can’t all be as talkative as you.
Stark1: Yea, it’s a special skill of mine.
Hawkeye58: Impressive skill.
Stark1: That sounds like another compliment.
Hawkeye58: What. I’m just saying it’s impressive how much you can talk. Like….you don’t stop. Ever. You must go insane when you lose your voice.
Stark1: Luckily, that doesn’t really happen. I’ve had enough practice now. I’m immune. And you know, I’ve got other impressive skills I’d like to share with you.
Hawkeye58: Oh? Sounds interesting.
Stark1: You think?
Hawkeye58: I’m a curious person.
Stark1: Well, I think I have quite a few things that might interest you.
Hawkeye58: Wouldn’t surprise me.
Stark1: ……..I’d like to think it WILL; that’s sort of the point.
Hawkeye58: Oh? You want that upper hand, then.
Stark1: Well, I just think I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve. And I think you’ll like them.
Hawkeye58: All right, then. You’ll have to share, sometime.
Stark1: Anytime. 😉
Hawkeye58: Oh? Should I make an appointment? Pencil me in somewhere between consultations and board meetings.
Stark1: Fuck the board meetings. You’re more interesting. Own boss, remember?
Hawkeye58: Right. Nice perk, there.
Stark1: Oh yea. So tell me when you wanna be “penciled in”. Or I’ll just fuck around with SHIELD’s schedule and free up some time for you.
Hawkeye58: Haha. That second option sounds hilarious.
Stark1: Yea? Guess I’ll have to do that, then.
Hawkeye58: You do that. Don’t mess with anything too important, though.
Stark1: Oh? Like what, exactly?
Hawkeye58: Oh, you know. High risk targets. Important detail work. That sort of thing.
Stark1: ………so I can’t come molest you while you’re on watch, with your sexy bow? Cuz that sounds hot.
Hawkeye58: I believe molesting me while I’m on watch will probably cause issues with the whole “watch” bit. Maybe after.
Stark1: ……but it sounds really, REALLY hot.
Hawkeye58: I’m sure it does. But distracting me before the target is down is dangerous.
Stark1: ………dangerously HOT.
Hawkeye58: Tony….you’re not going to drop this, are you?
Stark1: …….probably not.
Hawkeye58: You really, REALLY can’t distract me when I’m working. But you know, once the target’s down, I’m free until the debriefing. So if it’s something you’re this intent on…….that would be the time.
Stark1: ……so, like…….I can wait, and watch you be sexy, and then push you down and have my way with you?
Hawkeye58: So long as you don’t compromise the mission. Though I DO have to warn you….sometimes the waiting takes days.
Stark1: Well, if what you‘re waiting for is worth it……..
Hawkeye58: You think it is?
Stark1: I definitely do.
Hawkeye58: Well, then. Don’t let me stop you and your crazy, determined plans.
Stark1: Oh, good. It’s easier when you don’t fight it.
Hawkeye58: Oh. You don’t want me to fight, then? Is that a thing?
Stark1: Nah, I like the fighting. But it’s nice when I know I’ve subdued you with my witty arguments. Like I just did.
Hawkeye58: Oh, I’m subdued now? Ha. Watch out. SHIELD will be after your secret on that.
Stark1: Haha nope, THAT secret I’m keeping to myself. And I don’t mean “subdued” in general, but I DID win this fight.
Hawkeye58: Oh, like you’d listen to me even if I told you “no”. I like thinking I at least had some control in agreeing. Though if you do do it, choose a mission where the stake out’s in a city. Buildings are easier to accommodate more than one person in a tree.
Stark1: ……yea, and it’d be harder to violate you in a tree than if I just shove you up against a wall.
Hawkeye58: ………..yes. There’s that, too.
Stark1: ….sound good?
Hawkeye58: Actually…sound’s really good.
Stark1: ………………..I think I may pass out.
Hawkeye58: What? Was that a little much?
Stark1: ….no, I think that was exactly the right amount.
Hawkeye58: Oh, good. Thought you might be changing your mind.
Stark1: Oh FUCK no. Are you kidding? I’ve practically been begging you. I don’t beg. But I was begging. It was fairly pathetic.
Hawkeye58: It was. I felt terrible…making you go against your nature…..felt awesome, too. That you liked me enough to do it. Though honestly I didn’t realize that was you begging. It’s pretty subtle.
Stark1: ……….you’re patronizing me now, aren’t you. Dick.
Hawkeye58: Haha mostly. But you really do have an odd way of begging.
Stark1: Oh? ………..what’s odd about it?
Hawkeye58: You did it by running the conversation back to the pros until I gave in. Didn’t even say please.
Stark1: Hahaha. Didn’t even think about that. Guess it’s just my nature. I’m a conceited bastard.
……….would it help if I said “please” now?
Hawkeye58: Well, it’s kind of a moot point now. You obviously didn’t need to say it.
Stark1: Guess that’s true. Still, I won by being obnoxious. Though you’re probably used to that by now.
Hawkeye58: Pretty much. I mean, we’re both pretty similar in the obnoxious department. You probably deal with it better.
Stark1: ……I really don’t deal with it at all. Don’t usually try, honestly. I’m just obnoxious to everyone and don’t worry about the repercussions.
Hawkeye58: Haha. Maybe not. But that’s why you’re better at it. I’m obnoxious, defensive, and I’m told, violent. People avoid that. But not you. You just throw it back. I like it.
Stark1: Haha. Glad to know SOMEONE does. Pepper’s usually the only one who can put up with it. Or me.
Hawkeye58: Haha. That woman must be some kind of saint.
Stark1: Oh yea. Living with me all these years?
Hawkeye58: Not killing you yet.
Stark1: Yea. Being there day and night without killing me is pretty impressive.
Hawkeye58: I know. She deserves a medal or something.
Stark1: Totally. I’ve often been told I should marry her and have done with it.
Hawkeye58: Yeah? Maybe they were right about that. She does seem to keep you in line.
Stark1: Oh? And you’d be cool with that?
Hawkeye58: Well……I mean. I…ah. I would have been. Before. It’d be kind of complicated.
Stark1: Gee. You think? Sheesh.
Hawkeye58: Well. Yeah. Shut up.
Stark1: You. Telling me to marry Pepper? What the fuck.
Hawkeye58: I didn’t TELL you to. I was just saying maybe they were right. I’m sure as hall not gonna keep you in line. And now I don’t want that. But it’s not like I was around before.
Stark1: Yea? And what would you have done if you WERE around before?
Hawkeye58: Depends on a lot of things. Since you’re still not married I wouldn’t have really had to worry then.
Stark1: Oh? Cuz you’ve always seemed SO WORRIED about your reputation.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Well, honestly, so long as I remain top of the list of best marksman, most of the other stuff I don’t really care about. People created the rest of my reputation for me.
Stark1: ………oh? So you DON’T go around fucking every pretty woman you meet?
Hawkeye58: Nope. Just a lot of them. But not for a while, actually. I’m detecting that “j” thing again, though.
Hawkeye58: You shuttup.
Stark1: Make me.
Hawkeye58: Oh, like anyone can MAKE you shut up.
Stark1: Ha. So far, true. But it looks like you’re afraid to try.
Hawkeye58: I am not afraid. I just don’t like wasting effort needlessly.
Stark1: Oh, if you say so. I’m sure that must be it.
Hawkeye58: Of course it is.
Stark1: Mmhm. Naturally.
………….guess sex isn’t a priority for you then, either, huh.
Hawkeye58: Wait. What?
Stark1: Well, the only “useful” reason to actually expend energy on sex is to procreate. Otherwise it’s just for fun. And you wouldn’t want to waste all that “needless” energy, would you?
Hawkeye58: Sex is good for other things. It reduces stress. That’s very important, I think.
Stark1: There are many other ways to reduce stress, many much more useful. Some that you do already…….your sparring, for example.
Hawkeye58: Okay. Yes, but…dude, are you seriously comparing sex to attempting to shut you up? Totally not the same and you know it.
Stark1: No, I’m not. You said you didn’t want to waste energy trying to shut me up, that you don’t like wasting energy needlessly. I’m just drawing the obvious conclusion.
Hawkeye58: That is not the obvious conclusion. That’s you trying to prove a point.
Stark1: Well, from what you said earlier, I do that damn well.
Hawkeye58: What…prove points?
Stark1: Yup. And getting my way.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. You are good at that. Just don’t know exactly what it is you’re trying to get out of this one.
Stark1: Eh. Just think you’re afraid you’re not up to the task of shutting me up. Or maybe you really DO hate expending needless energy, in which case, fucking you is gonna be REALLY hard.
Hawkeye58: Okay. NO one is up to the task of shutting you up. Also, why would I really want to? Most of the time it’s hilarious.
Stark1: I don’t know, you tell me to shut up an awful lot.
……….and I notice you ignored my second comment. Afraid of that too, are we?
Hawkeye58: Yeah, but I don’t really expect you to listen. And I ignored the second part because that’s just ridiculous.
Stark1: Mm. Okay. If you say so.
Hawkeye58: ……the hell is that supposed to mean.
Stark1: I don’t knoooooooow.
Hawkeye58: Don’t give me that. What are you trying to say?
Stark1: O: )
Hawkeye58: Yeah. That’s not fooling anyone, Tin-head.
Stark1: Hey, it is NOT TIN.
Stark1: Those go together pretty well, in my experience.
Hawkeye58: Well, I guess we’re a match made in heaven.
Stark1: …….I don’t even know what to say to that. I know you’re being facetious, but the sarcasm in that statement just makes it true. I think I love you.
Hawkeye58: ………..damn. Now I’m just laughing at both our expense.
Stark1: Why’s that?
Hawkeye58: Because if it’s true, heaven is pretty fucked.
Stark1: Hahaha. Well the world is fucked too, if we’re all it has to protect it.
Hawkeye58: Ha! Yeah. But hey, considering the amount of time we all waste trying to kill each other, I think we still do a damn good job protecting everyone else.
Stark1: Just fucking Steve.
Hawkeye58: Haha. You guys still at each others’ throats?
Stark1: He’s a pain in the ass.
Hawkeye58: So’re you. But yeah, I see what you mean. Man out of time, though. Nat seems to like him. He still gives me weird looks every once in a while.
Stark1: Oh, I forgot. Tasha is perfect.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Not really. Well, assassin maybe.
Stark1: …………you suck.
Hawkeye58: What? Why?
Stark1: You and your “Tasha”.
Hawkeye58: …..I don’t know why you’re getting all upset. We’re just partners.
Stark1: Yea, suuuuuuuuure.
Hawkeye58: Oh, come on. I mean, yeah, we’re close. But nothing you should be upset over.
Stark1: Oh? Cuz you don’t talk about how hot she is?
Hawkeye58: Okay, we BOTH agreed she’s hot.
Stark1: ……yea, but it’s different with you.
Hawkeye58: What. Why?
Stark1: Cuz you LIKE her. I don’t.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, but….it’s not something you have to worry about.
Stark1: Mm. Good to know.
…………..least I’m not gonna tell you to marry her, like you did with Pepper.
Hawkeye58: I didn’t TELL you to marry her. Geez.
Stark1: Pfffft, you told me I probably should. Practically the same.
Hawkeye58: It is not.
Stark1: Is too. How exactly is it different?
Hawkeye58: Besides, I’m pretty sure I said people who suggested it might be right. Not that I agreed.
Stark1: Mmhm. Okay.
Hawkeye58: It’s true.
Stark1: So you don’t want me with Pepper.
Hawkeye58: …….not really. No.
Stark1: ……so. Where exactly do you want me, then?
Hawkeye58: I………with me….
Stark1: ……….when can I see you?
Hawkeye58: ……….when do you want to see me?
Hawkeye58: I can make that happen.
Stark1: Fuck. Really? Then do it.
Hawkeye58: Consider it done.
……………y’know, I could probably make it to your place in five minutes. That suit’s good for more than just fighting, you know.
Hawkeye58: This is true. S’better time than I could do.
Stark1: Okay, it’s a plan. Be there in five. That is, if you think you’re ready for me.
Hawkeye58: Always ready.
Stark1: Oh? Sounds promising. On my way.
Hawkeye58: I’ll be waiting.