The Compliment Unicorn

Tony’s whining always leads to interesting places…..some bad, some good, and sometimes a little surprising.

Established relationship, Tony Stark/Clint Barton, first chapter text format, second chapter story format.

A/N:  Aaaaaand yes, another first chapter.  Because there are WAY too many on my computer.  So yea.  Enjoy.^^


Stark1:  Clint,I’m boooooooooooored.  Come see me.



Hawkeye58:  Sorry.  Promised I’d finish up this paperwork.  It’ll be a while still.



Stark1:  Fine.  Be that way.  Me and Bruce will go do naked things in the lab.



Hawkeye58:  ……better not.



Stark1:  Humph.  See if I don’t.



Hawkeye58:  >:P



Stark1:  Yea, you make angry faces all you want.



Hawkeye58:  meh



Stark1:  …….”meh”?  THAT’S a new one for you.



Hawkeye58:  I couldn’t think of an appropriate word to express my displeasure.



Stark1:  Ha!  So “meh” does it for you?



Hawkeye58:  That’s what came out, yeah.



Stark1:  Ha.  You’re such a weirdo.



Hawkeye58:  Haha that’s me.  No naked Bruce.



Stark1:  …..what if it’s too late?



Hawkeye58:  …..what do you mean by “what if it’s too late”?



Stark1:  What if nakedness is already happening?



Hawkeye58:  it BETTER not be happening.



Stark1:  Heh.  And if it is?



Hawkeye58:  … one will go home happy.



Stark1:  Hahaha.  Well, maybe if you just came and gave me the attention I wanted, I wouldn’t resort to naked science.



Hawkeye58:  Shouldn’t resort to naked science ANYWAY.  Ass.



Stark1:  Hey, you LOVE my naked science.  It makes you all hot and bothered.



Hawkeye58:  Not when other people are involved.



Stark1:  No one else ever has been.



Hawkeye58:  Good.  That’s special time for me.



Stark1:  Haha what…..naked science time?



Hawkeye58:  Yeah.



Stark1:  Ha.  You’ve only had it once.



Hawkeye58:  Doesn’t matter.  It’s for me.



Stark1:  Yea.  Just you.



Hawkeye58:  Good.

……..Bruce isn’t there, then?



Stark1:  Ha.  No.  Moron.



Hawkeye58:  Good.

……you really doing naked science?



Stark1:  …………………..



Hawkeye58:  Is that a yes?



Stark1:  ………I don’t know……..IS it?



Hawkeye58:  Heh.  You trying to get a rise outta me?



Stark1:  Heh.  Well, I think it’ll get a rise out of you either way, so why try?  But I’ll say this, I think I make a very pretty picture right now.



Hawkeye58:   You always make a pretty picture.  I wanna see you.



Stark1:  So come see me.  Or are you just being a tease and you’re actually stuck somewhere?



Hawkeye58:  Nah.  I’m just about free now.  Hoped to make seeing you happen.



Stark1:  Oh?  Was this before or after I mentioned the naked science?



Hawkeye58:  Ha.  Before.  But naked science was definitely a second motivator.



Stark1:  Haha it cracks me up how much you like that.  Was that always a thing for you?



Hawkeye58:  Nah.  I mean.  Science I thought was pretty cool.  Robotics and what not.  But I never thought of it as sexy.  But you turn a lot of things sexy……I think that may actually be your true super power, by the way.



Stark1:………………….oh my God.  That…………………………wow.  That’s.  Awesome.



Hawkeye58:  Heh…..yeah….

…..tell anyone and I deny I said it.  But….it’s true.



Stark1:  Heh.  Wow.  Awesome.



Hawkeye58:  Yup.  Awesome.

……don’t let it go to your head, now.



Stark1:  I most certainly will.  Not only do I apparently have the power of Sexy, but I was told so by Clint Barton.  That qualifies as a compliment.  Clint Barton compliments are like unicorns.  Very rare things.



Hawkeye58:  HAHAHAHA oh man.  Ha.  Killing me.



Stark1:  Haha its true.



Hawkeye58:  Heh unicorn-rare, huh?



Stark1:  Yup.  Totally.



Hawkeye58:  Don’t unicorns only appear to virgins or something?



Stark1:  HAHA funny man



Hawkeye58:  You know it



Stark1:  Well, if that’s the case, we couldn’t associate them with you, either.  Cept for your ass cherry.  That was alllllll mine.



Hawkeye58:  Hahaha.  Yeah, suppose that’s true.  Killed the compliment unicorn.



Stark1:  Hahaha.  Nah, it’s still running around.  Just showed up, didn’t it?



Hawkeye58:  Haha the compliment unicorn clings to life.



Stark1:  Maybe BECAUSE it was me.  So I still get compliments.  The compliment unicorn likes me.



Hawkeye58:  Haha.  You saved it.  God, that is one screwed up unicorn.



Stark1:  HAHAHAHAHA I saved it with gay sex?



Hawkeye58:  See?  Seriously fucked up unicorn.



Stark1:  Well, I saved it from all those other women.  It gets me instead.  And I’m way better.



Hawkeye58:  Well, it does seem to like you.



Stark1:  …………oh?  “It”?  How about you?



Hawkeye58:  Mnn.  I guess I think you’re okay.



Stark1:  ………….wow.  Okay, you know, I think I WILL invite Bruce to my naked science party.



Hawkeye58:  You will not



Stark1:  Got his number on speed dial.  How much you wanna bet that I don’t?



Hawkeye58:  I don’t want to bet.  I don’t want you calling him right now



Stark1:  Yea?



Hawkeye58:  YEAH fucking yea.  What the hell.  Bruce isn’t allowed to naked science.



Stark1:  ……I’m pretty sure Bruce can naked whatever he wants.



Hawkeye58:  Not with you.



Stark1:  Didn’t SAY with me.  Geez.



Hawkeye58:  You said you were gonna call him!



Stark1:  Yea.  But I didn’t say he could do naked ANYTHING with me.



Hawkeye58:  If you invited him and you were naked then he’d be seeing you naked.



Stark1:  …..yea.  And that’d be naked SCIENCE, not naked ANYTHING.



Hawkeye58:  Still NAKED.



Stark1:  ……yea?  And?  Maybe at least someone would appreciate it.



Hawkeye58:  Tony you know damn well I was kidding before.  I appreciate you more than anyone else does.



Stark1:  Yea.  But the fact that sometimes I need to threaten to strip for someone else before you’ll admit to it is just a BIT frustrating.  Just a bit.



Hawkeye58:  I thought it was pretty obvious.  I thought I was doing pretty damn well telling you so.



Stark1:  Yea.  You’ve gotten a lot better.

I…..sorry.  I guess I just still haven’t gotten over when you used to hide it.  And like you say, I’m needy in general.  So I guess I just can’t help pushing back.



Hawkeye58:   ……I don’t know if I can ever be as open as you might want, Tony.



Stark1:  ……I’m sorry.



Hawkeye58:  No.  No it’s not….    That’s not your fault….you’re not really asking anything that shouldn’t be normal.  I just….I don’t know…..


Stark1:  No.  I am. I know you.  I knew from the start how you are.  I hoped you would open up and you have, but I shouldn’t have pushed you for so much.


Hawkeye58:  I just.  I don’t want you unhappy.  I really don’t.  I don’t want to hurt you and I’m not so sure I know how not to.  You’re important.  I don’t want to lose you.  But I don’t want to keep you lacking something I don’t know if I can give.



Stark1:  You’re not going to lose me.  I don’t care if anything happens, if I ever feel like something’s missing, I still want you.  You’re not fucking leaving me.  You understand?



Hawkeye58:  Yeah…..yeah okay.  Understood.



Stark1:  Good.  Fuck.  You leave…..fuck.  I can’t.  I just can’t, okay?



Hawkeye58:  Okay.  I won’t……never said I would.  I don’t plan to.  I’m sorry.



Stark1:  Shit.

You know, before you, I just drank, and gambled, and fucked random strangers, and took even worse care of myself than I do now.  Because I just didn’t CARE.  You MAKE me care.  I just……I’m too needy.  I won’t be.  Okay?  I’m going to try.  I’ll try REALLY hard.  I won’t push you so much.  Okay?





Hawkeye58:  Okay…..just.  I mean.  I know you’re needy.  Heh.  I kind of expected a whole lot of whining and pestering when this whole thing began, I just…..I’m not.  I wasn’t prepared.  And I’m no good with words but I can SHOW you I think.  Pretty damn well.  How much you mean…  If you think it’s getting bad.  And I’m not doing good enough.  Give me a chance to show you, okay?



Stark1:  Yeah.  Yeah.  I……can you?  I wanna see you.  Need to see you.



Hawkeye58:  Yeah.  Of course.  I’m on my way.



Stark1:  Thanks.  I…..thanks.

…..sorry.  Heh.  I really am a needy bastard.



Hawkeye58:  Heh.  Yeah, you are.  But I love you.




Stark1:  ……even though I’m needy?  I mean… said you weren’t prepared.  Is it bad?  Should I try and stop?



Hawkeye58:  No.  No, don’t stop.  I’d rather know…..if I don’t know, I won’t think of it and that’d be worse.



Stark1:  ……okay.  Okay.  Good.  Cuz it’d be hard to change.  I’ve always been needy.  But you’re the first PERSON I’ve really ever needed.  So yea……it’d be really hard to change.



Hawkeye58:  Yeah, well, don’t change.  Just ah.  Be aware.  Not that I freak out.  Cuz I don’t freak out.  But if I do…..maybe back off a bit.  Until I figure out how to do what I’m supposed to?



Stark1:  …but I don’t want to freak you out.



Hawkeye58:  Shut up.  I just said I don’t freak out.  I’m fine.  Nevermind.  You don’t have to worry because I don’t freak out.



Stark1:  ………..yea.  You do.  Everyone does.  So don’t tell me “nevermind” cuz I won’t, or not to worry, cuz I will.  I wanna keep you happy.



Hawkeye58:  I AM happy.



Stark1:  … don’t seem it.  Fuck.  I’m sorry.  I’m just gonna shut up.



Hawkeye58:  Like THAT’S gonna last.  😛



Stark1:  Hey!  Haha asshole.  I was GOING to make a valiant effort, but your sarcasm makes me not wanna bother.



Hawkeye58:  Good.

……I don’t want you tip toeing around me, Tony… makes me feel weird and I don’t like it.  I mean, if the mood strikes, fine.  But… kid gloves.

That make sense?  I feel like I stopped making sense.



Stark1:  …, that makes sense.  And…..good.  I mean…..thanks.  I just don’t wanna hurt you.  Lose you.  And sometimes I worry maybe my personality is too much.  But…..I guess…..just let me know……..and thanks.



Hawkeye58:  You’re not gonna hurt me.  Only way to do that is by leaving and you’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t intend on doing that so whatever else you’ve got, I can take.  Gladly.



Stark1:  Never gonna leave you.  Can’t.  Won’t.  I’m yours, remember?



Hawkeye58:  Heh.  Yeah.  I’ve got mad dibs on you now.



Stark1:  Yea you do.  I’ll tattoo it on my ass.  “Property of Clint Barton”.



Hawkeye58:  Hahaha.  Hilarious as that is, I’d prefer your pretty ass remain unmarred.



Stark1:  Oh?  “Pretty ass”, huh?



Hawkeye58:  Well.  I think so.



Stark1:  Heh.  “Pretty”.



Hawkeye58:  …….shut the hell up.  It is.



Stark1:  No, I like it.  Never heard that one before.



Hawkeye58:  What.  That you have a pretty ass?  What about hot?  It’s that, too.



Stark1:  Yea, that one I’m more used to.  And things involving expletives, usually said in bed.



Hawkeye58:  Haha.  I’m good at those, too.  But yeah….pretty.  You can….I mean.  I think you’re damn gorgeous.  So.  Yeah.



Stark1:  …………  Wow.  Why aren’t you here yet?  I wanna kiss you.



Hawkeye58:  Almost there.  Couple blocks away.



Stark1:  Good.  Good.

I love you so much.  You know that, right?



Hawkeye58:  Yeah.  You don’t let me forget.  I love you too.



Stark1:  Good.  Don’t ever want you to forget.

…..what do you wanna do when you get here?



Hawkeye58:  Just…..just hold you.  Is that cheesy?  All I wanna do right now, though.



Stark1:  ………….that sounds absolutely fucking PERFECT.



Hawkeye58:  Oh, good.  Glad we’re on the same page.  Heh.  Hey.  I can see our house from here.



Stark1:  …….I still love hearing you say that.



Hawkeye58:  What.  Our house?  Heh… a very very fine house.

……hey.  We should get cats.



Stark1:  HAHAHAHAHAHA oh my God I’m gonna die



Hawkeye58:  Haha.  What.  Cats are neat.  And it’s a good song.



Stark1:  ………wait…..what’s a good song?



Hawkeye58:  That song “Our House”.  Ever heard it?  Had to have.  I never cared for it until recently.



Stark1:  …….I don’t know.  I can’t picture it.  But seriously.  Two men, living together, with cats?  Do you not see how ridiculously and epically gay that is?



Hawkeye58:  Hahaha.  Yeah.  True.



Stark1:  Heh.  Awesome.

So…..we’re getting cats.



Hawkeye58:  Haha what?  Really?



Stark1:  Haha hey, you wanted them!  What, change your mind?



Hawkeye58:  …  I like cats.  They’re pretty self-sufficient and I like their attitude.  Just.  I’m never home.  Never really thought of having pets of any kind.



Stark1:  Well, you thought of it.  And I’ll be home.  I can watch them.  And then when you return I can be all “look guys!  Daddy’s home!” and they’ll get all excited.

……or is that dogs?  Dogs get excited to see you.  Cats don’t give a shit.

…..well, OUR cats will.



Hawkeye58:  Oh they will, will they?



Stark1:  Yup.  They’ll get SUPER excited.



Hawkeye58:  Haha…..that.  That’d be kind of neat.  Okay.  I’m for that idea.



Stark1:  Yea?  Really?  Heh.  Neat.  And don’t worry, when you’re not home I’ll have Jarvis remind me to get my ass out of the lab.  “Sir, Muffins needs to be fed.”



Hawkeye58:  HAHAHA.  Good.  Because I may have to kick your ass if you fail to feed yourself AND the cats.



Stark1:  Hey, I will NOT neglect Muffins.  Or his brother.  Sister?



Hawkeye58:  Either or.  Heh.  Muffins, huh?



Stark1:  Hey, one of them is going to be a boy named Muffins.  Do not fight me on this, you will not win.



Hawkeye58:  HA!  Fine.  Fine.  Muffins it is.  Heh.  Well, I’m just about home.  We can discuss this further in a minute.



Stark1:  Good.  Get inside, I wanna feel your arms around me.



Hawkeye58:  Well, I want to feel you in them.  Where are you?  Lab still?



Stark1:  No.  Upstairs.  Waiting for you.



Hawkeye58:  God I love you.



Stark1:  Ha why?  Cuz I’m waiting for you?



Hawkeye58:  Yeah.  That’s exactly it.



Stark1:  Heh.  Cute.



Hawkeye58:  Shut up.  Stop ruining the moment.



Stark1:  Ha sorry.  Um.  Forewarning.  Still mostly naked.



Hawkeye58:  Ha.  What are you, a closet nudist?



Stark1:  HAHAHA hey!  I was in the lab, I thought you were coming over to enjoy some naked science, then I just never got around to getting dressed again.  So shut your face.



Hawkeye58:  Ha.  Fine, fine.  Guess that’s partially my bad.



Stark1:  Yea.  Ass.  Geez.  Didn’t know my naked body was such a problem for you.



Hawkeye58:  Never said it was a problem.  I am very fond of it.  Gonna hold it in a minute.



Stark1:  Mm.  Good.  Get on in here, then.



Hawkeye58:  Of course.  Coming, dearest.



Stark1:  HA!  Love it.






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Leave a comment


  1. britewing

     /  October 28, 2012

    aww this is to sweet love it

  2. stephanie

     /  October 28, 2012

    I love the naked science time for Tony and Clint……………..I would be happy with naked Bruce to though………….Bruce Banner is a very undervalued sexy man

    • He definitely is. But he is not allowed in my pairing. 😛 I actually really sort of want to see him with Tasha. During ‘Avengers’, there were moments that made me want Tasha to date either Bruce or Steve. In the end, I’d probably choose Steve, b/c I like Bruce more and he deserves a nicer lady lol.

  3. KattyRosie

     /  October 28, 2012

    LOL. I love any story that starts with Tony whining he’s bored. And YAY for them getting cats. I approve, since I have two myself.

    • I have five. >.>
      Lol no, actually only two are mine. I live in this little sort of mini-apartment space off the side of my parents’ house, so I’m in effect still living at home, and they have three, so yea. Five cats.

  4. Tabby

     /  October 28, 2012

    Fuck yes they’re getting cats! I have two myself, so I definitely approve. One boy and one girl; Hemy and Mary. I love cats because they seem to have outrageous personalities, or maybe that’s just my cats. Hemy is a very curious and adventurous cat who loves everyone, (except a select few of people whom he hates), and Mary hates everyone and everything except me. Hemy and Mary are polar opposites really. I think their other cat should be a girl and her name should be Natasha to piss Tony off, or Pepper to piss Clint off. Or the cat’s name should be something super cute that goes with Muffins like Coffee or Sugar. Either way this cat has to be a girl! Keep up the writing my friends!

    • I have one really fat black and white cat named Frank, who has a pirate mask and a goatee, and then a really tiny cat who’s gray and sort of tabby-ish (he’s a mixed breed, we think maybe with a bit of ocicat in him, so he’s got some tiger-ish markings and a spotted tummy^^) and he’s named Becket. He’s really dumb lol. He used to climb in the refrigerator.

  5. Cat

     /  October 28, 2012

    2 updates! Yay! Totally looking forward to them having cats…what’s Bruce or Natasha going to say?

    Oh also loooooooove jealous Clint, especially how you portray him ❤

  6. sabrina

     /  October 28, 2012

    so as soon as i read cute cats i immediately flashed to the show Too Cute or something like that from animal planet that is about kittens and puppies. mainly kittens doing very adorable things and i could see tony training the cats to get excited to see clint 🙂 the compliment unicorn is awesome as well…especially being saved by tony lol

  7. I opened my email and saw ‘the complimet unicon’ and i was just like wtf? But it was fantastic and I love the idea of tony and clint in a house with cats. Muffins!

  8. fuzzyelf

     /  October 28, 2012

    Tony + Clint + Cats = HILARITY!!!! That would be just the funniest thing ! I could totally see Tony giving them catnip just to see what would happen, or building them robotic toy mice to chase!!! Also, the compliment unicorn? That is great!!! But the entire time I was reading that part I was picturing Charlie the Unicorn in my head and hearing the Candy Mountain song. Does that make me weird? 😉
    As for the rest of the story, I can totally see Clint getting a little freaked out by Tony. Tony is very forward with his emotions and opinions while Clint keeps everything hiddern (from his training and the way he grew up). Being with someone like Tony would be very hard for someone like Clint and I am glad that they had this conversation, since I feel it would have happened eventually anyway.
    What kind of cats do you think they will get? I could totally see Tony getting some very rare exotic breed. No normal tabby for Tony Stark! HAHAHA!

  9. Bengal Bay Biscuit

     /  October 28, 2012

    Correction from just a moment ago. Busted gut does not -even- describe what I will get from bottling my boisterous laughing. I’m going to explode. Effed up unicorns oh gods. XD And cats? That is a funny thought. Sweet, but still a little funny thinking of those to with a couple little kitties. Little bit of adorable and touching awkward between those two to top it of and you have this chapter that you have nearly created a human bomb of laughter over an epic chapter that I am glad to have discovered and poured through. Keep up the good work! ~

  10. Caro

     /  October 28, 2012

    Awwww, this one is so fucking cute! The compliment unicorn… xD First, I was like “What the hell is that supposed to be?!” but then, I couldn’t stop laughing. Being saved by Tony… Yeah, sure 😛
    And yay for the cats 😀 I have two myself, Murmel and Keks. (That’s german for Marble (or murmur which is more appropriate because he’s talking all the time) and Cookie.) Murmel is the sweetest, nicest cat ever, he loves everyone, talks with me and always wants to cuddle. Keks is a monster. She chases us through our house, trying to bite and claw us and she hates everyone except for men she doesn’t know o.O And when she’s in a bad mood, she searches the dog and slaps him. So… yeah, that would be a nice cat for Tony and Clint 😀 She would love them, but fight evryone else (like Tasha maybe) off.
    I like their conversation about Clint not being very open. I mean he kind of is, at least for him and I undertand why he has these issues, but in comparison with Tony… well. Hope that will get even better because he can trust Tony and I know how frustrating it can be not to know what the other one thinks.

  11. Topazione

     /  October 28, 2012

    I will be brief becuase i should really be in bed. Naked science. The power of Sexy. Complement unicorns saved by gay sex. Cute pouring out of hearts via text message (still impressed by how well you manage to do that). Cats. Cat named Muffins (if they don’t get a cat, and name it Muffins, i will never forgive you, btw). It was just a series of wonderful things. (also, i have a cat named ‘Muffin’).

    • LOL “Muffin” was my dad’s nickname for me when I was little. Not why I chose “Muffins” for Tony’s cat. I don’t even remember what prompted that choice…..

      Thank you!

  12. paisley15

     /  October 29, 2012

    Hilarious chapter and the holding is just awesome. I love that.


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