Clint goes on an undercover job with Natasha. Things go wrong. Tony goes to the rescue.
Established relationship, Tony Stark/Clint Barton. First chapter in text format, second chapter in story format.
Hawkeye58: Tony. I may require assistance….
Stark1: What? What’s going on?
Hawkeye58: Nothing. Well. I mean, I’m not hurt. Or in danger, really. Um. This mission just went…..weird?
Stark1: …….what. What happened.
Hawkeye58: Okay. So we needed to get a name. And the plan was to get in close to the guy who knows it. Intel got wind that the guy likes to play hero. Fan of redheads. So Nat and I get a cover. Siblings. Meet the guy. Befriend him or whatever. Then she and I fight. I leave her behind, all angry-like, and he gets to play the consoling hero. I go home. She plays him for the info. Easy enough, right?
Stark1: ……………is this another situation where she’s screwed something up and now you’re in trouble and I’m gonna have to kill her? What’s going on?
Hawkeye58: No. No. Not really her fault. But you know. You CAN beat the hell out of intel and seriously what the hell have those guys been smoking lately.
Stark1: Dammit Clint. What’s going on?
Hawkeye58: Well. We have our fight. I storm off. Nat does that crying thing……turns out, intel screwed up the whole liking redheaded WOMEN thing. That’s a big fucking bit of information to fuck up.
Stark1: ……..uh…….okay. So…….that still doesn’t really tell me what’s going on NOW.
…….he didn’t come after YOU did he?
Hawkeye58: Um…..yeah. And there’s the problem. This is NOT what I do. I don’t interact unless I’m threatening. And I can’t just beat the crap outta him. I’m at a loss, here.
Stark1: Well. That’s okay. Cuz I’M coming out there to beat the crap outta him.
Hawkeye58: No. I mean. Yes. But no. See. Coulson’s got another agent ready to move in….he just needs the opportunity. So yeah……was hoping you could come claim me.
Stark1: Yea. I am. Already on my way. Motherfucker. What the hell. Has he done anything? Tried anything?
Hawkeye58: Uh. Not really. Invading my personal space. Hey. I’m sorry. If I had known, I wouldn’t have taken this one.
Stark1: Not your fault. But I may still have to kill him. Just so you know.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Well….you know what. I don’t even care. This is all on intel if we don’t get that name. I just want out of here.
Stark1: ……..yea? So I can kill him?
Hawkeye58: Well. I’ll stop you before he dies. I mean. You don’t need that on your file. But short of killing him, I’m cool with whatever violence at this point.
Stark1: Fuck my file. I’m killing him.
Hawkeye58: Haha. Determined? To be fair, the guy doesn’t know who I am. Fuck. This is awkward. I swear someone is trying to punish me. But I’ve totally been semi-behaving.
Stark1: I don’t care what he knows or doesn’t know. You’re mine. He doesn’t get to handle the merchandise.
Hawkeye58: Hahaha oh man I love you. Hey. Fair warning. I look like an idiot with red hair. But I’m told it’ll wash out after a week or so.
Stark1: ……………oh my God. You actually dyed it. I didn’t even think of that. Ahahahahahaha oh my God
Hawkeye58: I HAD TO. They made me. Said it’d be easier to buy the whole sibling thing. It looks ridiculous, in my opinion.
Stark1: Ahahahahahahaha oh my God. Well, you know what? Been a long time since I fucked a redhead.
Hawkeye58: HA. Optimistic, are we?
Stark1: Oh? Should I not be? You gonna hold out on me cuz you’re embarrassed of your hair, Pippi Longstockings?
Hawkeye58: Pippi…..okay no. You drop that nickname and we never speak of it again.
Stark1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no, now I’m keeping it.
Hawkeye58: Fuck. No. Tony, come on. That one sucks.
Stark1: Heh. Yup. It does.
Hawkeye58: So why use it?! No. Come up with something else.
Stark1: Hahaha oh? You want a nickname?
Hawkeye58: Thought you already had like…..at least two for me already. I just don’t want that one.
Stark1: Hahaha I didn’t think you liked ANY of them.
Hawkeye58: Well……I don’t and I do. They’re annoying. But they’re YOU-annoying. And since that seems to be your thing, I don’t care. But Pippi Longstockings I don’t like……at least Legolas and Robin Hood are archers.
Stark1: Hahahahaha. Hey, Pippi was a BAMF.
Hawkeye58: Don’t care. No. And….dammit. Hold on.
Stark1: Wait what the fuck he better not be touching you
Hawkeye58: Well, he’s persistent. Um. But yeah. New nickname.
Stark1: Nope. I’m keeping that one on reserve. Backup, if you will. Now you tell this guy I’m gonna tear off his dick and feed it to him.
Hawkeye58: ……yeah he thinks I’m amusing and playing hard-to-get. It’s actually kind of disturbing. Like, what exactly is he expecting this to be? Also. Keep your suit if you plan to make good on that. This guy could probably throw down with Thor.
Stark1: One way or another, I’m going to kill him.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Yeah?
……..why is that funny?
Hawkeye58: No. It’s not. I just. It’s new.
Stark1: Wait. What’s new?
Hawkeye58: Someone being possessive enough to want to fight. I mean, besides Nat but that’s for different reasons. It’s. I don’t know. It’s nice. Not that I can’t fight my own battles. But you know that.
Stark1: ……….are you fucking KIDDING me? Of COURSE I’d fight for you. I’ll ALWAYS fight for you. I love you you fucking idiot
Hawkeye58: Hahaha. You’re the best. And WHY can’t this guy understand the concept of I’m not interested?
Stark1: Because you’re fucking hot and he wants you. But he’s not having you.
Hawkeye58: No, he’s not. I don’t like him. He’s shady…….and that’s coming from an assassin.
Stark1: HA! Yea, no one but me touches you. Especially not shady guys.
…..shady in what way?
Hawkeye58: Well. He’s obviously keeping secrets. And then he just keeps looking at me funny.
Stark1: ……tell him if he wants to keep his eyes, he’ll stop. Otherwise, they’ll go the same way as his dick.
Hawkeye58: Ha! Damn…..wish I had my bow. I’m getting all twitchy. I hate just waiting. This is why I don’t do these kinds of missions regardless.
Stark1: Well I’m almost there. Can’t you get away from him?
Hawkeye58: Yeah. I just……how close’re you?
Stark1: About five minutes.
Hawkeye58: Okay. Good. I’m just gonna find a room to lock myself in. Feeling a little dizzy. Think I should just say the hell with cover and break his hand? Kinda wanna do that.
Stark1: Dizzy? Why’re you dizzy? You shouldn’t be dizzy. No. Leave him alone and get the fuck away from him. I don’t want you around some pervert if you’re feeling dizzy.
Hawkeye58: I don’t know. Just started feeling dizzy. It’s not too bad. Not like vertigo bad. It’s just…..off. You know what this place needs? Air vents. I could virtually disappear. Fuck.
Stark1: What. What’s “fuck”? What’s wrong?
Hawkeye58: Nothing. Tony. It’s fine. My other com just shorted.
Stark1: Okay. Better not be lying. I’m here. Did that other agent show up or do I have free reign to kill this fucker?
Hawkeye58: Um well. Honestly you probably would take free reign anyway. So have at it.
Stark1: Good. Good. You stay clear, got it?
Hawkeye58: What. I can’t even watch?
Stark1: Ha didn’t say that. Meant stay out of the way.
Hawkeye58: Good. Cuz I really wanna watch you beat the crap out of him.
Stark1: HAHA! Why is that amusing?
Hawkeye58: Because. Fucker made me feel weird. Didn’t like it. So it’ll be funny watching you kick his ass.
Stark1: Good. Cuz I’m gonna. See you in a minute. I love you.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Love you too.