This comes after ‘Shooting Bruce’ but before ‘Caffeinated Cohabitation’ and ‘Nesting Instincts’. Sorry. I try to post these in order but there’s so many that it doesn’t always work.
Tony has a goofy idea. It ends up leading to trouble.
Established relationship, Tony Stark/Clint Barton, first chapter in text format, second chapter in story format.
Stark1: Hey Clint. You got any fun pajamas?
Stark1: Ha! How is it “maybe”? You either do or you don’t.
Hawkeye58: ….yeah. I guess I might own some fun ones.
Stark1: Haha yea? Awesome.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Well, I don’t wear them often. Usually just fall asleep in whatever I’m wearing at the time.
Stark1: Aww. I was hoping you’d say naked.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Only when it’s really fucking hot out. And even then, I like pants. Never know when you might have to just get up and run. Or fight or something.
Stark1: Well, I think we need to have a pajama party.
Hawkeye58: Oh, do you?
Stark1: Yea, I’m pretty positive about it. Only Tasha better not wear some damn skimpy negligee. I don’t want you ogling her tits.
Hawkeye58: But they’re so nice.
Stark1: ……….I hate you.
Hawkeye58: You do not. You think I’m awesome.
Stark1: Yea, well, you gave up tits when you chose me.
Hawkeye58: Aww, really? I can’t even LOOK? That’s harsh.
Stark1: ……..I seriously hate you.
Hawkeye58: No, you don’t. You love me and think I’m awesome.
Stark1: Not when you wanna look at tits. That is so not cool.
Hawkeye58: Oh, come on. I like looking at you more.
Stark1: Tch. Right. You’re too busy eyeing Tasha’s ass in all that leather.
Hawkeye58: Like you’ve never looked. But honestly, I’ve worked with her so long. Kinda used to the leather. It’s nice, but nothing I haven’t seen.
Stark1: Yea, right. And I prefer women who aren’t the face of evil?
Hawkeye58: Oh. Ouch.
Hawkeye58: The face of evil? Really? Just a little harsh. We’ve seen lots more evil than Nat, I think.
Stark1: Whatever. It’s just an expression. Sheesh.
Hawkeye58: Hey, don’t be mad. I’m kidding.
Stark1: Are not. You loooove your precious Tasha.
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. But not like that.
Hawkeye58: Shut up. You know it’s true.
Stark1: Well, stop ogling her, then!
Hawkeye58: Hey! I usually don’t.
Hawkeye58: ….you love me.
Stark1: ………you are an ass and a chore.
Hawkeye58: I’m a fun chore. With a nice ass. 😉
Stark1: HAHA. Nice. You’re so fucking full of yourself.
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. Because I’m so awesome.
Stark1: Yea yea. Keep it up with Tasha and her tits and she can have you, no matter HOW awesome you are.
Hawkeye58: ……thought you were keeping me?
Stark1: …………..I WANT to. But…if you want something else..
Hawkeye58: I DON’T want something else. That’s just stupid.
Stark1: Ah. Okay. Good. I mean. REALLY good.
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. Geez.
Stark1: Hey. I don’t know. Tasha’s attractive, and you guys are close, and you’ve known her a HELL of a lot longer than you’ve known me.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. But I told you. We’re not like that.
Stark1: Yea. You did.
Hawkeye58: And I meant it. I wouldn’t lie about that.
Stark1: I know. I’m sorry. Just. Damn. Jealous. Fuck. So stupid.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, it is. But I mean…..from you, I’m damn flattered. But you don’t have to worry.
Stark1: Ha. That makes you feel flattered?
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. I mean, since when do YOU get jealous?
Stark1: …………..I don’t. And I don’t like it much. It’s not a nice feeling.
Hawkeye58: No. I wouldn’t think it is.
Stark1: See. That too. YOU don’t get jealous. That just makes it worse.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Well…..not so much I don’t. I mean…..I don’t often. And when I do, just…..trained not to show it.
Stark1: Yea well it’s weird. I hate this feeling.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, well. Hey. I know I’m a dick. And a bastard. And yeah, I’ve been around. But I’m not a cheater. Least not when it comes to this.
Stark1: I never called you a cheater! I know you wouldn’t do that. I just hate caring so fucking much.
Hawkeye58: No. I didn’t mean that. I know you didn’t. I just. You shouldn’t be jealous. I’m not going to leave.
Stark1: I know. I can’t help it. And it’s fucking infuriating as hell.
Hawkeye58: I’m sorry. Kind of. I’m still flattered.
Stark1: Ha. Pain in the ass.
Hawkeye58: You know it.
Stark1: Sheesh. If only you were suffering too, I wouldn’t feel so bad. Bastard.
Hawkeye58: Haha. I’m sorry. I really am.
Stark1: Are not.
Hawkeye58: I am. I really don’t like that you’re this upset about it. I just don’t know how to fix it.
Stark1: Doesn’t matter. Not like it’s going to kill me.
Hawkeye58: Good…..don’t let it. That’d be decidedly bad.
Stark1: You think?
Hawkeye58: Uh. Yeah, I think.
Stark1: Ha. Don’t sound so certain.
Hawkeye58: What. That killing you would be bad? I’m very certain.
Stark1: Oh, good to know.
Hawkeye58: You think I wouldn’t care if you died?
Stark1: Ha I’m harassing you. Idiot.
Stark1: Haha look who’s talking.
Hawkeye58: Yeah yeah.
Stark1: Can Tasha at least stop wearing clothes that fit her ass so nicely?
Hawkeye58: Hahaha. It’s SHIELD issue. They seem to be convinced that loose clothing is a liability.
Stark1: Yea? I don’t see anyone ELSE wearing clothes that tight.
Hawkeye58: Maybe not as tight but pretty tight.
Stark1: ……her clothes are ridiculously tight. If she’s going to wear pants that tight because they’re “SHIELD issue”, then YOU should be wearing them that way, too.
Hawkeye58: Mine are tight enough, I think. I kind of have….more that will get in the way.
Stark1: Mm. Believe me, I’ve noticed. Still, I think we could use some more tightness up in there. Give some more emphasis to things that need to be emphasized.
Hawkeye58: Oh. You think, do you?
Stark1: Yup. I do.
Hawkeye58: Somehow I don’t think R&D will see the importance of redesigning my uniform for that.
Stark1: It’s ok. I’ll handle it. Fury won’t know a thing till he sees you in it. And then he’ll pass out from an overload of hotness.
Hawkeye58: …….okay. If you say so.
Stark1: Ha. I’m counting that as permission. If I turn up with crazy tight pants for you, you’re no longer allowed to turn them down.
Hawkeye58: Seriously? Wait. You’re being serious?
Hawkeye58: ……I really think my uniform is fine as is. Thought you liked my uniform.
Stark1: But I’m having so much fun harassing you right now.
Hawkeye58: Of course you are. Because you’re an ass.
Hawkeye58: ……you’re……I can’t think of the word. But you’re it.
Stark1: ………..since YOU don’t even know what you’re saying, I’m just going to choose to think of it as a compliment.
Hawkeye58: You think of most things as compliments.
Stark1: Pfft not when they’re coming from YOU. You’re damned hard to get compliments from.
Hawkeye58: I give compliments all the time…..under layers of sarcasm and insults.
Stark1: Tch if you say so.
Hawkeye58: Well, I do.
Hawkeye58: Being dramatic again.
Stark1: Am not. “Mmhm” is an agreement.
Hawkeye58: Is it? Because you use it to not quite agree, too.
Stark1: Mm….well, I guess you’ll just have to figure that one out.
Hawkeye58: It’s really difficult when I’m not actually hearing it.
Stark1: Ha. Too bad.
Hawkeye58: You suck.
Stark1: Yup. And you love it.
Hawkeye58: Won’t deny it.
Stark1: Hn. I’ll file that away.
Hawkeye58: What? Why?
Stark1: No reason. Just like to keep track of these things.
Hawkeye58: What. Got a file on me?
Stark1: Oh, definitely. A nice big one.
Hawkeye58: Yeah? That much….ah. Just from when you met me or…..other stuff too?
Stark1: …….would it matter?
Hawkeye58: No. I guess not. Just……lotta shit in those files.
Stark1: Yea? You worried I’m looking at stuff I’m not supposed to see?
Hawkeye58: Well……I mean….more stuff I might rather you didn’t.
Stark1: Heh. Don’t worry, I didn’t snoop too much. Not into stuff that looked personal. I was just curious about you.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Okay. I mean. I guess you could. It’s just….well, usually I don’t give a fuck what people really think about me and what I’ve done. But…it’s different with you. Heh. Stupid.
Stark1: ……I’m not quite positive what you’re saying…..but if it’s what I THINK you’re saying…..then that’s really cool. And I’m happy.
Hawkeye58: Yeah? Okay. Good. Happy is good.
……happy would be ECSTATIC if you learned to verbalize a bit better. *poke*
Hawkeye58: Yeah, well. Some people just aren’t as verbal. Thought I was doing pretty good there.
Stark1: For you? Yea, for you it was pretty damn good.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Thanks.
Stark1: Ha I don’t know if it’s good or bad that you wound up with someone as loud and obnoxious as me. But I plan on keeping you, and you seem okay with that, so I guess you’ll just have to get used to what an annoying, persistent bastard I am.
Hawkeye58: Yeah yeah. Think I’m getting used to it.
…..heh. Keeping me.
Stark1: …..what’s so funny.
Hawkeye58: Nothing, just….sounds like you picked up a stray.
Stark1: Ha. Well, I kinda did. We’re all sort of strays, in our own way. All of us Avengers.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Yeah. That’s true. Really misfit pack of strays.
Hawkeye58: Well. I’m totally the best choice. Even if I’m a bit runty compared to some of the others.
Stark1: Hahaha well Thor and Steve are abnormally huge. And Bruce, if you count him in his other form.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, I know, right. Geez. Sometimes I’m more worried about getting accidentally hit by one of them than the idiots actually gunning for us. They’d do a ton of damage.
Stark1: Ha yea, tell me about it. I’ve gotten kicked around by Thor. It’s not fun.
Hawkeye58: Damn. I can imagine. Guy patted me on the back once. Almost knocked me into the floor.
Stark1: Yea. When he first showed up, we had an all-out knock-down brawl. He nearly crushed my arm, suit on, just by squeezing it in his bare hand.
Hawkeye58: Holy shit, really? Heh. Wow. Real glad I didn’t run into him when I was still…..yeah. Am kinda sad I missed it, though. Was probably epic to watch.
Stark1: Ha yea I would imagine. Loki seemed pretty fucking amused.
Hawkeye58: He would have. Crazy bastard.
Stark1: Heh. Yea. You should’ve seen him. He just sat his ass down to watch. Thought he was going to whip out some popcorn or something.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Yeah. He had a sadistic sense of humor. Though I guess I’m one to talk, after saying I’m sorry I missed it.
Stark1: Heh. If you say so.
Hawkeye58: Well, I do.
Stark1: Oh, well okay then.
Hawkeye58: Yeah…..so……you were talking about a pajama party. Or something…..
Stark1: Ha. I figured you were hoping I’d forgotten that.
Hawkeye58: Yeah…..well, I was.
Stark1: HA! Why’d you bring it up again, then?
Hawkeye58: ………..honestly, I have no idea.
Stark1: So you gonna tell me what these funny pajamas of yours look like?
Hawkeye58: I’ve got some with hearts and arrows all over them. It was a joke gift but damn they’re comfy. I don’t even care.
Stark1: OH MY GOD. I’M GONNA DIE. ARE THEY PINK? PLEASE TELL ME THEY’RE PINK
Hawkeye58: No. Purple……really gay purple, though, I have to admit. Shut up. They’re comfy.
Stark1: AHAHAHAHA EPIC
Stark1: Ha. Like you would if it was me.
Hawkeye58: ……true. So, what about you?
Stark1: Me? I have lots. Its sort of a thing with me. I like to give them to people, too. Oh man. I got Pepper this AWESOME nightie, it’s really sexy, but it has Donald Duck printed all over it. HILARIOUS. She looks hot in it, though.
Hawkeye58: Hahaha. That’s awesome.
Stark1: It totally was. Thing barely covered her ass. Little matching panties.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Went all out, huh.
Stark1: Ohhhhhh yea. And it was totally worth it.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Glad to hear it.
Stark1: Oh? Ha guess that’s good to know.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Yeah….
Stark1: I have a picture of her wearing it, posed with one of my cars down in the lab. Oh man. She’d probably kill me if she knew I still had that.
Stark1: I think I was instructed to burn it when stuff cooled off.
Hawkeye58: Just think?
…….hey, Tony. Do me a favor and DON’T get killed by Pepper.
Stark1: Ha I’ll do my best. But that picture stays with me. I’ve had my last glimpse of Pepper naked. I’m keeping that souvenir.
Hawkeye58: Fair enough. I won’t let her know you have it.
Stark1: Ha. Like I ever thought you would.
Hawkeye58: Good. Because……yeah. I’m usually pretty awesome at keeping secrets.
Stark1: I’ve noticed. You’re very tight-lipped.
…..you know, I’m gonna go look for that picture.
Hawkeye58: What. You don’t know where it is?
Stark1: Somewhere in the lab. It’s not like I was really looking at it much. I mean, we weren’t together anymore. So I stuck it in a drawer.
Hawkeye58: Ah……why do you want to look at it now?
Stark1: Well, now I’ve thought of it, and I HAVEN’T seen it in a while, and it’s hot. So I’d like to see it.
Hawkeye58: …….but……now? I mean…..I just…..I don’t get it….
Stark1: ……….I really don’t know how else to explain it. Sexy photo is sexy.
Hawkeye58: …….but……is that it? You just want something sexy?
Stark1: Not really. It’s not like I’m just gonna haul off and go searching for a random person. Was just thinking of that photo.
Hawkeye58: …….no reason. Just. I mean……if that was what you wanted…….I can be sexy.
Stark1: ………………….did you seriously just feel the need to tell me that?
Stark1: ……..you really are an idiot, you know that?
Hawkeye58: ………shut the hell up.
Stark1: I will not. That was just plain stupid.
Hawkeye58: Was not.
Stark1: It was too. You should already know how sexy I think you are.
Hawkeye58: Well……yeah. But. I mean. I can be sexy and you don’t need the picture.
Stark1: ……..oh? Like how you don’t need to enjoy Tasha’s t&a?
Hawkeye58: Okay…..I deserved that.
Stark1: Yea. You did.
Hawkeye58: ………so…….yeah. Okay.
Stark1: ……..”okay” what?
Hawkeye58: I don’t know. I forgot what I was talking about.
Stark1: ……..yea, okay.
Hawkeye58: So. Besides finding the picture, what’cha up to?
Stark1: ………….talking to an evasive bastard.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Sorry. Actually not trying to be.
Stark1: Mmhm. If you say so. Oh, I think I found it.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Well……I should be at……the range. Um. Gonna shoot some things….. You ah. Have fun.
Stark1: Who are you going with?
Hawkeye58: Just me.
Stark1: ……….you seem kinda……….I don’t know. Wonky. You sure you should be going alone?
Hawkeye58: What? Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I go alone all the time. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.
Stark1: ……….you’re really sounding weird. Why don’t you come over here?
Hawkeye58: No. No, it’s okay. Really. I’m fine.
Stark1: ……why don’t you want to come over?
Hawkeye58: Not that I don’t want to……I just want to go to the range.
Stark1: ……ok fine. Whatever. Have fun.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. You…..ah.
I don’t want to go to the range anymore.
Stark1: …………what the fuck. Sometimes I really don’t understand the way your mind works. At all. Where DO you want to go.
Hawkeye58: I don’t know. But not the range. Or here.
Stark1: Okay. It’s a start, I guess.
Hawkeye58: Yeah……I’m. I’m gonna go over there.
Stark1: …………you are truly bizarre. Can I do anything?
Hawkeye58: Do anything? I don’t think so…..just. Wanna see you.
Stark1: Okay. You know, you’re sorta freaking me out, you sure you’re okay?
Hawkeye58: I’m fine, Tony. I just. Want to see you.
Hawkeye58: Seriously. I’m fine.
Stark1: Okay, okay, fine. You’re just not talking like you.
Hawkeye58: No? Sorry. Maybe I’m a little off. But I’m fine.
Stark1: Yea, well, get on over, then. I wanna see for real that you’re fine.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Okay. I’m heading out now, then.
Stark1: Okay. Where are you now?
Hawkeye58: Um. I don’t know. Some air space over New York. Shouldn’t take me long to get there.
Stark1: Okay. Well, don’t rush, but…..as quick as you can. I want to see you.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Soon….
Gotta figure out how to get down. Don’t feel like taking the jet.
Stark1: ……..wait, WHERE are you?
Hawkeye58: Told you. Airspace above New York. Well. Guess it’s close to Brooklyn.
Stark1: …..okay. Well, what’s the plan, then?
Hawkeye58: Um. I get down and catch a train.
Stark1: Fuck that. I’ll come get you. Where are you?
Hawkeye58: On the carrier still. Just above Brooklyn…..Park?
Stark1: Where do you want me to get you, I mean. You know where you’re landing?
Hawkeye58: Um….the pink trees. There’s a space between em. I’ll land somewhere in there.
Stark1: HA! Okay, I’ll follow those extremely technical directions. See you soon.
Hawkeye58: Okay…….should I be more specific? I can probably get coordinates.
Stark1: Hahaha it’s fine. If you’re in that area of the park, I can handle it.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. You know…….just look for the people gawking at the idiot who decided to parachute into Brooklyn.
Stark1: HAHAHAHAHA PLEASE tell me it was a rainbow parachute.
Hawkeye58: Haha. No. Sorry. Standard parachute.
Stark1: DAMMIT. Way to rain on my parade.
Hawkeye58: Sorry. We’re not really in the habit of having rainbow anything.
Stark1: Well, I think you need one. It’d look spiffy.
Hawkeye58: It’d look stupid.
Stark1: It’d look awesome.
Hawkeye58: Only to you.
Stark1: Well, I’m the only one who should count. Okay, gorgeous, I’m pulling up. Hopefully no one will care if I drive through Brooklyn Park.
Hawkeye58: Haha. Hopefully. Not that it matters, I’m sure.
Stark1: If I drive on the grass? Haha why would that not matter?
Hawkeye58: To you. It’ll totally matter to them.
Stark1: Ohhh haha yea I was talking about them.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Well…..I think they mind haha. I’m on your right side.
Stark1: Okay. Oh yea I see you. Hurry and jump in the car before the cops come drag me off for my shenanigans.
Hawkeye58: Haha sounds fun. See ya in a sec.