A day of complete and utter frustration leads to some interesting revelations.
Established relationship, Tony Stark/Clint Barton, first chapter in text format, second chapter in story format.
*Note: this chapter refers back to ‘Caffeinated Cohabitation‘. May want to read that story first.
Stark1: Clint, you may get a phone call soon because it’s highly likely I’m going to murder someone. I don’t know when. Possibly any minute. My nerves are fraying, my mind is about to snap. The snap is imminent. I can feel it.
Hawkeye58: Wait. What? Where are you? What’s going on?
Stark1: Fixing SHIELD’s motherfucking tech. And I am SURROUNDED BY DOUCHEBAGS. SURROUNDED. I think it might be Hill. I may start with her.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Yeah. Tell me about it. S’why I don’t mind being off base so much.
Stark1: Why does she hate me so much? She’s just standing over me, watching me work, making obnoxious comments. You wanna fix your own fucking computer? I’m gonna stab you in the head with this fucking screwdriver.
Hawkeye58: Hahaha. Well. You’re not the only one. Hill…..yeah…..there aren’t words.
Stark1: Oh, I’ve got PLENTY.
Hawkeye58: Ha. I’m sure you do. I’m actually impressed you haven’t walked out already.
Stark1: No. I haven’t killed anyone yet. Gotta do that first.
Hawkeye58: Tony. As awesome as you are, I don’t think you’ll be able to kill more than maybe one person before they take you down. And I really REALLY don’t want you taken down.
Stark1: Fuck that.
Hawkeye58: Haha. Come on, Tony. Besides. You’ll just give the council more examples of Avengers going rogue.
Stark1: Don’t care. I am legit flipping my shit here.
Hawkeye58: Well, I care. I’ll have a hard time collecting bail.
Stark1: HA! Yea right.
Hawkeye58: What do you mean, yeah right? I mean, yeah. I could just spring you. But it’s really not as easy as I make it sound.
Stark1: …………..your name is on all my accounts now.
……I guess I hadn’t told you that yet.
Hawkeye58: …..wait. Whoa…..what?
Stark1: ………….you’re on all my accounts now. Got the paperwork drawn up. Passwords and stuff are in the safe at home. Was gonna give it to you tonight.
Hawkeye58: ……whoa. Really? Sorry. I sound like an idiot just….surprised. And….still. No killing people…
Stark1: YEA really. It’s not just MY house anymore, it’s OUR house. And if anything happens to me…..I want it all to go to you. All my houses, all my money……everything.
Hawkeye58: …..that. Tony. That means so damn much…..I’m actually damn speechless……but you better not ever really leave me with that responsibility. No fucking dying.
Stark1: Ha I’m gonna do my best. Much rather enjoy it WITH you than leave it to you. But it’s yours, all the same.
Hawkeye58: Ours. It’s ours. Fuck…..Seriously. I can’t even wrap my head around that.
Stark1: Heh. It’s good, though?
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Fuck. That’s…..this is like a huge thing. Right? I always hear that this is a huge thing.
Stark1: ……..um……..if it’s a huge thing, will it no longer be a good thing? Will it freak you out then?
Hawkeye58: No. No. I mean. I don’t think so. I mean……nothing’s gonna really change, right?
Stark1: No. Not really. I mean. You just have access to……everything. Houses, bank accounts, Stark Industries. Everything.
Hawkeye58: Whoa. Yeah. No…..not gonna freak out but…..just have to get used to that.
Stark1: ………..yea? You sure? I mean…….that’s not bad, is it?
Hawkeye58: No. No it’s not bad. Just. For me, it’s a lot to take in, you know? Spent my whole life with just enough to scrape by and now……but nothing’s really changed.
Stark1: No. No, nothing’s changed. We’re just linked now.
Hawkeye58: Good. Okay. Ha. Sorry. Um. Still. Don’t get yourself put away for murdering idiots.
Stark1: ………..you’re sorta freaking me out. Should I not have done it?
Hawkeye58: No. Hey. I’m fine. I am. Just. Holy shit, it means so much that you trust me with all that.
Stark1: ………are you brain dead? Of COURSE I trust you! I trust you completely. You’re the most important person….thing……in my entire life.
Hawkeye58: Hahaha. Person-thing? Well. I’m so happy to be your most important person-thing….
You’re my most important person-thing too. And hey. Get it hit the head as many times as I do and you’re bound to be a bit slow when it comes to some things. 😛
Stark1: I meant you’re more important than anything else, person OR thing. Idiot.
Hawkeye58: Oh. Haha. I get it.
Hawkeye58: Shut up. You’re confusing.
Stark1: I am not! It made perfect sense!
Hawkeye58: Well then, sorry. I’m slow.
Stark1: Heh no you aren’t. You’re fantastic.
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. That too. And sexy.
Stark1: HA! Yup. And sexy.
Hawkeye58: Heh. I was totally an awesome find, right?
Stark1: HAHAHA yea. The best.
Hawkeye58: Good. Glad you think so. Otherwise I would not be as happy as I am.
Stark1: Oh yea?
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. Been much happier since I met you.
Stark1: Haha. Good. Good. That’s all I could want.
Hawkeye58: Heh. Good.
……you still on the carrier? Or were you fixing stuff somewhere else?
Hawkeye58: Good. Hey. I’ll get to see you soon, then?
Stark1: Yea? You coming back?
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Headed back now.
Stark1: Oh good. Good. Wanna see you. Maybe that’ll keep me from killing someone.
Hawkeye58: You think? Coulson says I could drive men to murder. Never considered I could do the opposite, too.
Stark1: Yea. I think. Speaking of Coulson, he’s been avoiding me like the plague. Think he knows I’m out for blood. Not like he couldn’t kill me in a second. Probably’s afraid of what I’ll do to his tech if someone pushes me too far.
Hawkeye58: Heh. He secretly thinks it’s funny. So long as you’re not bothering him. He’s probably watching video feeds.
Stark1: ……..how do you know that?
Hawkeye58: Guy’s been my handler for years. He doesn’t have a lot of tells. But he thinks you’re amusing. Not saying he doesn’t think you’re annoying as fuck. He’s said so in not so many words. Haha
Stark1: …………that’s it. I’m breaking HIS computer.
Hawkeye58: Hahaha. Why? To get him back to a purely hating outlook?
Stark1: For being an asshole.
Hawkeye58: HA! You seem surprised.
Stark1: Hey, if he’s sitting somewhere, laughing at my frustration while I’m busting my ass fixing his fucking tech……motherfucker. Yea. That’s it.
Hawkeye58: Hahaha. I didn’t say he was laughing at YOU. Though he’d probably do that, too.
Stark1: Fuck it. Back in a few.
Hawkeye58: Aww Tony. Come on. Somehow he’s gonna find out this is my fault and give me some sucktastic assignment.
Stark1: He will not. And I’m gonna tear his shit apart.
Hawkeye58: Heh. They’re gonna put you in holding and then it’s gonna be tough to sneak you out. Persistent dick.
Stark1: Whatever. Coulson can suck my dick. Stupid fucker.
Hawkeye58: Stop saying my superiors can suck your dick. It’s not happening, and doing nothing for my dislike of authority. Only I get to do that.
Stark1: HAHA! Sorry. Just an expression.
Hawkeye58: Yeah, well. Still. My job.
Stark1: Haha. Yea. Definitely your job.
……..hey. You should fuck me on Coulson’s desk. I think that would be even BETTER revenge.
Hawkeye58: Oh man. I’d get shit missions for months…..would totally be worth it.
Stark1: Oh yea? Awesome. Let’s do it.
Hawkeye58: Yeah? Gonna have to time it right.
Stark1: Heh. Soon, hopefully.
Hawkeye58: Well……I really don’t want to help motivate you to stop destroying tech in revenge, but…..can you at least get it so the hangar doors’ll open? Stuck circling.
Stark1: ……….I more meant the sex part. But yea. I’ll get you inside heh.
Hawkeye58: Well, yeah. But for sex to happen, I kinda have to land.
Stark1: ………oh. OH. Now? You meant NOW?
Hawkeye58: Yeah, I meant freaking now. Fix the damn door.
Stark1: I ALREADY DID! Try it again you dipshit!
Hawkeye58: Oh. There we go. Great. Then I’ll see you in a minute.
Stark1: Yea? Good. Should I go anywhere or just continue to sit here on my ass, surrounded by bullshit motherfucking tech?
Hawkeye58: Ha. S’up to you. Can stay there. Meet me here? See if Coulson’s out of his office.
Stark1: I’ll stay here. Put away some of this mess. Not like these assholes deserve any more of my help.
Hawkeye58: Ha. Okay. See you soon. Love you.
Stark1: Love you too.