Caffeinated Cohabitation: Chapter 1

Clint on a sugar-high is a sight to see.  He also prompts some interesting discussions.

Established relationship, Tony Stark/Clint Barton.  First chapter in text format, second chapter in story format.


Hawkeye58:  I have discovered the joy that is a cocoa cream iced coffee when my system is trying to crash.  It’s like drinking a caffeinated cookie.



Stark1:  HAHA.  Wow.  Never would’ve figured you for the type to like really sweet things.



Hawkeye58:  I usually don’t.  Swiped it from someone not paying enough attention to their surroundings.  Thought it was just black.  But damn.  This thing is amazing.



Stark1:  HA you’re such an asshole.



Hawkeye58:  You don’t understand.  The crash was imminent.  These were dire circumstances.  Dire.



Stark1:  Oh, NOW who’s dramatic?



Hawkeye58:  Not dramatic.

……might have a slight sugar high.  Seriously, though.  If I need a real boost, this drink is the way to go.



Stark1:  Haha if you’re sugar high I wanna see it.  That must be pretty epic.



Hawkeye58:  Ha.  No.  It’s awful.  Terrible.  But probably also pretty funny.



Stark1:  Exactly.  Why do you think I wanna see?  I wanna laugh at you.



Hawkeye58:  You’re an ass.



Stark1:  Ha!  Yup.



Hawkeye58:  Well, too bad.  Cuz you don’t know where I am so ha.



Stark1:  Hey!  Haha asshole.  You’d keep me from seeing you cuz you’re embarrassed?



Hawkeye58:  Uh.  No.  Because I’m awesome and don’t get embarrassed.



Stark1:  HA!  Somehow I don’t believe you.  I know for a fact I’ve embarrassed you with several things I’ve said.



Hawkeye58:  Must be mistaken.



Stark1:  Hahaha.  Okay then, if you refuse to admit it, I’ll just have to hack into the SHIELD system and find your location.



Hawkeye58:  Oh!  But that’s the beauty.  Just finished a mission.  Oh, you’ll get a starting point.  But SHIELD doesn’t know where I am after my last check-in.



Stark1:  Ha.  That’s the REAL beauty of it.  You think I don’t have other means of tracking you if I want to?



Hawkeye58:  …..wait, what?  Like…..outside of SHIELD?



Stark1:  ………………….



Hawkeye58:  …………did you plant a tracker on me?



Stark1:  NO!  What the hell, you think I’m that fucked up?



Hawkeye58:  Haha maybe.  Though if you think about it, it might not be a bad thing, ‘cept it’d be risky if other people figured out how to track it.  We’ve had similar issues.



Stark1:  What the fuck.  I wouldn’t do that.



Hawkeye58:  Hey, I was just curious.  But outside of that, it means your ability to trace me is limited.  So it’s still a thing of beauty in my favor.



Stark1:  Not true.  I can do it.



Hawkeye58:  If you say so.

…..I want another one of these things……probably shouldn’t, though.



Stark1:  You’re a pain in the ass.  I’ll talk to you later.



Hawkeye58:  About how I’m a pain in the ass?



Stark1:  I don’t care about what.



Hawkeye58:  What if it’s boring talk?



Stark1:  Can’t be as annoying as this is right now.



Hawkeye58:  Oh?  Am I annoying you now?  Thought you were enjoying the conversation.



Stark1:  Listen, judging what I can or can’t do with science is one thing.  You do it all the time, I’m getting used to it by now.  But I DO NOT put implants on people.  Understand?



Hawkeye58:  Hey, hey, I said tracker.  Not implant.  But I get it.  Sorry.  Didn’t mean anything by it, really.



Stark1:  See, I’m trying this new thing where I use my skills in ways that DON’T hurt people?



Hawkeye58:   Oi.  I’m sorry, I said.  I take it back.  Seriously.  I was never implying that you did.



Stark1:  I wouldn’t do something like that.  Especially not to you.  I want you to know that.  Okay?  I know I’m an asshole but I’m trying REALLY hard not to fuck this…..what we have….up.  I just want you to know that.  I’m not gonna risk losing your trust.  Losing you.



Hawkeye58:  Tch.  And you call ME an idiot.  Tony, I really didn’t think you’d done anything to me.  And even if you had….hell.  I’d just take it as another show that you care.



Stark1:  ………..that’s……..pretty weird.  But…..thanks.  I’m glad.



Hawkeye58:  Heh.  Yeah, well, come on.  I’m pretty weird.  Seriously.  Trackers are old news, anyway.  SHIELD uses them all the time but honestly, they work for shit.  I’d like to know what you think you have that can find me.



Stark1:  Tch.  Like I’m telling you NOW.  Already taunted my science skills once today.



Hawkeye58:  How did I do that?  Fine.  I’m getting more caffeinated cookie.



Stark1:  You said if I didn’t put a tracker in you, I couldn’t do it.  And if you’re getting more “caffeinated cookie”, I wanna see.



Hawkeye58:  Heh.  Did I?  I don’t remember.  And I’m not waiting.  Don’t want to crash yet.



Stark1:  Well, I’m coming to find you then.  I wanna see.  Or you could come to my place, then when you crash you’ll have a comfy bed.



Hawkeye58:  Or you can come find me and bring me back cuz I don’t feel like calling SHIELD.  And I don’t want a bus.  Too many people on buses.  Very crowded.



Stark1:  Hey, I offered to find you first.  Get yourself another “cookie”, I’ll find you.



Hawkeye58:  Hahaha.  Yes.  Cookie.



Stark1:  Haha you’re such an adorable ass.

……why, Agent Barton, what are you doing at an all-male strip club?



Hawkeye58:  Is THAT where I am?  Didn’t know they served coffee.



Stark1:  Hahahaha I hope you’re joking and not actually THAT far gone yet that you believe me.  And I’m the only stripper you need.



Hawkeye58:  Ha.  Yes, Tony, I’m joking.  I’m suger-high, not drugged.

…..hope I’m not drugged.  That’d be awkward.



Stark1:  Just a bit.  Notice you ignored the stripper comment.  You keep away, hear me?



Hawkeye58:  No.  You’re texting.  Can’t hear a thing.



Stark1:  Dammit, Clint.  No strippers.  Understand?



Hawkeye58:  I’m pouting at my phone.



Stark1:  I hate you.  If that’s the case, you know, there ARE a few clubs on the way.  Maybe I’LL stop by one before I pick you up.  I’ve got money to blow.



Hawkeye58:  Well, THAT’S no fair.  Saying I can’t go then going yourself?



Stark1:  Well, if YOU don’t wanna give it up, why should I?



Hawkeye58:  Hahaha.  Fair enough.  But they were never a hobby for me, anyway.



Stark1:  Yea.  You just went and found normal women to fuck, right?



Hawkeye58:  You’re never gonna let that drop, are you?



Stark1:  Heh.  Probably not.  Why……does it bother you?  It’s not like you can’t throw it right back at me.



Hawkeye58:  I know.  Just don’t want you really upset by it.



Stark1:  No.  I get jealous over Natasha.  That’s different.  She’s still around, all badass and buxom and bitchy, and getting your attention.



Hawkeye58:  Heh well, she has to stay.  We’re partners.  Got each other’s backs.  She’ll make sure to keep bringing me back home to you should my amazing luck land me in deep shit.



Stark1:  She BETTER.  She tries to hurt you or keep you and there’ll be hell to pay.



Hawkeye58:  Yeah.  I’m pretty sure she knows that.



Stark1:  Hnn.  Better.



Hawkeye58:  Yeah.  Hey.  You hungry?  I’m hungry.  I’m gonna get a sandwich.  I’m gonna get you a sandwich, too. It’ll be cold.  Just in case it takes you a while.  Guess I could get it hot, too.  Sandwiches are good regardless. Anyway, you allergic to anything?



Stark1:  …………I’m gonna die.  No, no allergies.



Hawkeye58:  Okay, good.  Why you gonna die, then?



Stark1:  Cuz you’re hilarious.  God I love you.



Hawkeye58:  Am not.  Just saying I’m getting you food.  Smells good.



Stark1:  Heh.  I appreciate it.  I should be there soon.  It’s great to have you so close for once.



Hawkeye58:  Yeah?  Found me, then?



Stark1:  Tch.  Told you I would.  Non-believer.



Hawkeye58:  Can’t help it.  Like proof…..

You know….this machine has those super-bounce balls.  I bet I could set off at least five car alarms with one toss.



Stark1:  I know I should be used to it by now, but I still can’t BELIEVE how little faith you have in my abilities.



Hawkeye58:  That’s not it at all.  Hard to explain.



Stark1:  Oh?  You wanna try, oh doubtful lover of mine?



Hawkeye58:  Don’t know if I know how.



Stark1:  Tch.  Fine.  Pain in the ass.



Hawkeye58:  I’ll try.  Not now, though.



Stark1:  Yea?  Too busy tweaking on your magic cookie shakes?



Hawkeye58:  Well, there is THAT.  This thing is awesome.



Stark1:  Hahaha I don’t know that I ever want to try it.  I doubt it can live up to all the hype you’ve created.



Hawkeye58:  Probably.  But I don’t have sugar much.  So it’s not my fault.



Stark1:  Pfft if you say so.



Hawkeye58:  I do.  And it’s awesome.



Stark1:  YOU’RE awesome.



Hawkeye58:  Hahaha yea I am.



Stark1:  Haha I love you.  How soon do you think you’re gonna crash?



Hawkeye58:  Ahhh…..given that I think this is my third one….and I ate a sandwich……most of a sandwich…..two hours?



Stark1:  Heh.  Good.  I’ll get you home by then.



Hawkeye58:  Yeah?  Promise?



Stark1:  Promise.  As long as you don’t mind it being my home?



Hawkeye58:  Your home’s more a home anyway.



Stark1:  ………okay, I love you so fucking much right now.



Hawkeye58:  Well, it is.  I like it.  Love it there.



Stark1:  ……… know………you can move in……………if you want.



Hawkeye58:  …….yeah?  Really?  Like….for real?



Stark1:  YEA for real.  I’d fucking LOVE having you here.  You think I’d offer otherwise?  Too embarrassing if you turn me down.

…..which you can, obviously.  I mean, yea.  Just……yea.



Hawkeye58:  Um.  No.  I think…..I’d really like that.  Yeah.  Yeah.  Hey.  Then we can be less confused when I say I’m going home.



Stark1:  ……..I love you.  So much.



Hawkeye58:  Haha I hope so.  You just invited me to move in.



Stark1:  Ha yea.  You….ah.  You want your own room?



Hawkeye58:  You’re asking way too many questions to a guy with a sugar high and still processing amazing information.  I think I’d probably end up in yours most of the time.  Where are you?  I’m eating your chips.



Stark1:  Can’t help it.  You’re making me ridiculously happy.  And I’m just about there.  About one block to go.



Hawkeye58:  Yeah?  Good.  I’m gonna get you more chips.  Really wanna know how you found me.



Stark1:  Ha.  Well, it’s my little secret.  So there.



Hawkeye58:  Not fair.  Wanna know.  Would it work anywhere?



Stark1:  ……not sure.  Haven’t tested it to ridiculous distances.  But it works as far as Africa and Australia, I know that.



Hawkeye58:  Yeah?  Really?  Haha.  That’s awesome.



Stark1:  Haha.  Glad to know SOMETHING I do impresses you.



Hawkeye58:   Lots of things you do are impressive.  But yeah.  That’s pretty awesome.



Stark1:  Heh.  Good to know.  Okay, I’m pulling up.  See you in a minute, Spazzy McSugarhead.



Hawkeye58:  …….can I get another one before we….oh!  I see you!



Stark1:  Hahaha you can get as many as you want, you dork.  I’m coming to get you.





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  1. britewing

     /  July 7, 2012

    lol love it. Clint sounds like me on a suger high all bouncy and spazzy lol

  2. redneckmeetsgeek

     /  July 12, 2012

    Ha! This is adorable! I need to get to a real computer so I can leave better reviews typing on the Kindle is not easy

  3. Topazione

     /  August 6, 2012

    yay for sugar highs! love it (as usual). i especially like :”Haven’t tested it to ridiculous distances. But it works as far as Africa and Australia” …because Africa and Australia aren’t that far… not really… y’know .. just across an ocean 😛

  4. AbiBeyer

     /  August 21, 2012

    i want this drink. terribly.

    • Me tooooooo. Dunkin Donuts stopped making it. 😦 My life is so sad now. I got super addicted to it and I don’t even LIKE coffee, and then they stopped making it. Stupid Dunkin Donuts.
      But you can buy an iced coffee thing at the supermarket, already made and packaged in a milk carton, and if you add chocolate syrup to that, it’s not a bad replacement. Still not the same……but better than nothing. 😦

  5. Tabby

     /  September 29, 2012

    Oh my god, Clint and coffee. Was NOT expecting that 😛 Loved it all the same though.

  6. paisley15

     /  October 29, 2012

    Oh that’s just adorable! Now I want a caffeinated cookie…..


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