What starts as a simple joke quickly gets out of hand. But Clint Barton doesn’t DO jealousy. Or does he?
Tony Stark/Clint Barton, established relationship. First chapter in text format, second chapter in story format.
Stark1: Whatcha doin
Hawkeye58: Ugh. Recruit file work. It’s awful.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. SHIELD gets a lot of em. Most of them quit after the first week or so. Heh.
Stark1: Ah. So there’s no chance of you getting a new partner?
Hawkeye58: What? Hell no. Are you kidding. Not only am I not interested but these bastards would probably only get themselves and me killed. If you haven’t noticed, I’m very particular about who I let watch my back.
Stark1: Hey, hey, I’m kidding. You know I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t harass you about Tasha.
Hawkeye58: Haha. Yeah. That’s true. But nah. I just gotta file some of em. I get to give some of them their basic training….teach em early what a bastard I am. 😉
Stark1: ……….I DO think that it’s ridiculous that one of the few people you trust to watch your back is someone who has stabbed you in the back before. But you never listen to me. So whatever.
Stark1: What. I’m done. Said my piece.
Hawkeye58: …..okay. So. Well. What’re you up to?
Hawkeye58: Ah. Sounds thrilling.
Stark1: Yup. Totally. Bruce is upstairs in the shower.
Hawkeye58: …..okay? Cool? Having fun with science?
Stark1: Yea. Slight oil spill.
Hawkeye58: Oh. That sucks. Hope it didn’t set anything back.
Stark1: Nah, not really. Bruce’s clothes are a mess, though.
Hawkeye58: Poor guy. Too bad. He goes through enough when he’s fighting. Must suck to ruin em while working, too.
Stark1: Yea. Trying to find him something to wear. We’re not exactly the same size, and I doubt he wants to go around naked.
Hawkeye58: Haha. Yeah. Probably not. He should leave more spares around.
Stark1: Ha. At my place? Yea, he’s naked so often here.
Hawkeye58: Well, obviously it happened now. Just saying. You two do spend a lot of time doing science-y things.
Stark1: …………and naked things.
Hawkeye58: ……uh. You better not be doing naked things with Bruce.
Stark1: Oh? And if I am?
Hawkeye58: ………then I hope he’s good to you. Cuz I’ll have to fight him for you and I doubt I’ll last all that long once things get heated.
Hawkeye58: Is that you mourning? Be kind at my funeral. Tell them all it was badass.
…..you know I’m only half-joking, right? I will totally face-off against Bruce and the Hulk. I am that crazy. You can check my records.
Stark1: ……….. “I hope he’s good to you”? What the fuck. You’re not supposed to leave me with anyone else.
Hawkeye58: Well, if I’m dead, there’s really nothing I can do about it!
Stark1: You’re supposed to take me with you you dumb fuck!
Hawkeye58: What…kill you?! I don’t want to kill you. I want to prove I’m more awesome, so you take me back…..NOW I want to shoot Bruce…
Stark1: ………please don’t shoot Bruce..
Hawkeye58: He’s all there. Being smart and science-y and naked and taking your attention….
Stark1: There was an oil incident!
Hawkeye58: Yeah. So he says.
Stark1: What the hell. He didn’t fuck up on purpose.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. But now he’s in your house without clothes. Or anyone else there.
Hawkeye58: ………gonna kill him.
Stark1: Clint. What the fuck. No.
Stark1: What the hell is wrong?
Hawkeye58: Everything is wrong! And I just broke a damn screen. What the hell.
Stark1: What the hell. What can I do?
Hawkeye58: Fuck. Nothing.
…..get Bruce into some clothes……lots of clothes. And. No. No naked stuff.
Stark1: ………is that seriously what’s wrong?
Stark1: ……………you’re jealous.
Hawkeye58: Fuck off. No I’m not.
Stark1: Fine. I guess I’ll go see how Bruce is doing with his shower.
Hawkeye58: Fuck! Fuck. No. You will stay. And I will fucking kill him anjtgmapmijgtjgtag
Stark1: I’m not going to listen to someone who can’t decide if he cares or doesn’t care. And you are NOT killing Bruce.
Hawkeye58: What the hell! The fuck. I care. I fucking care and thereb
These assholes think they can stop me and I swear to.
Yeah and they think they’re gonna last can’t even grab a damn phone.
Stark1: You care? Then admit that you’re jealous.
Hawkeye58: Why?! So you can have a good laugh about it!
Stark1: So I can fucking know for once that you actually give a fuck about me!
Hawkeye58: How the fuck can you not know that, Tony! You’re supposed to be a freaking genius. Of course I care about you you fucking asshole! I care. I fucking love you and okay. Maybe I’m fucking jealous and now I’m gonna go take care of the fucking issue!
Stark1: ………..you better not hurt Bruce.
Hawkeye58: ………………………………………..really? Really? Fucking.
Fuck it. No. Killing him.
Stark1: Oh my God, Clint, what the fuck, you are NOT killing Bruce!
Hawkeye58: Probably not. Doesn’t mean I won’t give it my damn best.
Stark1: ………..Clint, seriously, what the fuck.
Hawkeye58: Freaking Bruce. With his stupid science and…..God damn. Fucking SHIELD. Damn. Fuck locks.
Stark1: Clint, Bruce DIDN’T FUCKING DO ANYTHING
Stark1: …………..what the fuck
Hawkeye58: I’m coming over.
Stark1: Yea, I got that. And that’s cool. But you are not going to shoot Bruce.
Hawkeye58: Yes I am.
Stark1: No you’re fucking not!
Hawkeye58: Don’t try and stop me.
Stark1: I’m not going to try, I’m GOING to stop you.
Hawkeye58: Not happening.
Stark1: Clint, you keep this up and I’m going to lock you out.
Hawkeye58: I’ll still get in.
Stark1: No you won’t.
Hawkeye58: Yeah? You so sure?
Hawkeye58: Then I guess I’ll have to prove you wrong, too.
Stark1: ………..Clint……you need to calm down.
Hawkeye58: Fuck you! I’m calm.
Stark1: …..oh yea, you sound REAL calm.
Hawkeye58: Fucking calm as hell. Zen as fuck right now.
Stark1: ……..where are you?
Hawkeye58: The hell’s it matter
Stark1: Just answer the question.
Stark1: ……..okay. How far away is that?
Hawkeye58: As in still in the damn helicarrier. Can’t get the Goddamn hatch to open and I fucking bet anything Coulson’s behind it but he BETTER open it or I’ll just make a damn door.
Stark1: ………..wow. Okay I’m gonna try and get Bruce out of here.
Hawkeye58: Oh. Nothing. Go ahead. Get him out…..
Stark1: ………okay, you’re really freaking me out.
Hawkeye58: Fuck. You know. Just……….
Fucking hell, Fury. Like that ever worked.
Stark1: …………you are seriously freaking me out. Can I do anything?
Hawkeye58: No, Tony. I think you’ve done enough. Just. You’ll be fine. Banner’s gonna be freaking fine. I don’t see freaking Coulson which means he’s probably ready to make me take a damned nap and I couldn’t even get out of the damned carrier.
Stark1: …….what the fuck did I do?! I didn’t do ANYTHING!
Hawkeye58: …………hey. Look. Fucking sorry, okay. Didn’t want you. Don’t want you think don’t care.
Stark1: …………you’re not making much sense. Are you coming still? You’re worrying me.
Hawkeye58: Fuck yes. I still have to shoot that bastard.
Stark1: Okay, where are you?
Hawkeye58: Fuck. Doesn’t matter. I’ll be there soon enough.
Stark1: ………actually, it kinda does matter. I’d like to be prepared when you kick down my door…..and I’m sure Bruce could use some warning.
Hawkeye58: Fuck that. Not warning you. Only chance I’ll fucking get.
Hawkeye58: …..fuck you!
Okay. You know. Go ahead. Warn your science buddy. Won’t make any difference.
Stark1: Fuck. Clint. Fucking hell.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. Fucking hell.
Stark1: Okay, when you get here, we’re going to sit down and have a long talk.
Hawkeye58: No. When I get there I’m going to shoot Banner.
Stark1: What the fuck Clint! I already told you no. You are NOT fucking shooting Bruce.
Hawkeye58: And I already made damn clear that I was.
Stark1: Well, you’re mistaken.
Hawkeye58: Not this time.
Stark1: Clint for fuck’s sake
Hawkeye58: Back the hell off, Tony. I’m doing this.
Stark1: No you’re not. What the fuck Clint. He’s your teammate for Christ’s sake.
Hawkeye58: What? It’s not like it’s gonna fucking kill him!
Stark1: I don’t care! It’s still unnecessary!
Hawkeye58: It is completely necessary.
Stark1: No it is not! What the fuck Clint
Hawkeye58: Yes it is! It Goddamn is alright.
Stark1: Okay where the fuck are you
Hawkeye58: Not saying.
Stark1: Fine. Be that way. I’m locking you out.
Hawkeye58: Not gonna keep me out.
Stark1: What. You gonna break down my fucking door? Drag Bruce out of the shower by his hair?
Hawkeye58: Fuck no. Not getting that close. Break down the damn door, snipe him when he comes to check on the noise.
Stark1: ……..what the fuck. What the fuck Clint.
Hawkeye58: Yeah. You know you keep asking and you’re obviously not gonna get it.
Stark1: No, I’m really not. I already told you, BRUCE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING. I don’t know what you’re so upset about.
Hawkeye58: He didn’t and he won’t because I’m making a Goddamned point
Stark1: Clint…..fuck. Will you just come here and sit down and talk to me Goddammit
Hawkeye58: After I shoot him.
Stark1: Clint, Goddammit! Where the fuck are you?
Hawkeye58: None of your damned business. I’m on a jet.
Stark1: Motherfucker. I’m getting Bruce out of here.
Hawkeye58: You won’t make it.
Hawkeye58: Thought you were doing that sooner.
Stark1: …..doing what?
Hawkeye58: Getting Bruce out. But this works out for me.
Stark1: He was in the shower. And you’re not shooting him, Clint.
Hawkeye58: Pretty damn sure I’m gonna.
Stark1: Yea? Well then you’ll have to shoot me to get to him. This is STUPID.
Hawkeye58: …….not gonna fucking shoot you, Tony. Don’t get in my way.
Stark1: I’m GONNA get in the way. You are not shooting Bruce and that’s final. He didn’t do anything wrong. I have no idea what you’re so pissed off at him for.
Hawkeye58: Because he’s here! And with you. And doing things with you! And I can’t be and he is and now he’s naked in your house. And he needs to know!
Stark1: …………are you kidding me? THIS is why you’re upset? Clint….
Hawkeye58: Shut up, Tony…..gotta shoot him.
Stark1: I will not, and you will not. Wherever you are, get in here. You and I need to talk.
Hawkeye58: ……fucking…..fucking hell. Fine. Fucking fine.